SOCKEY ON HOCKEY

Like John Kincade, only I know what the fuck I'm talking about!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

5 Questions With... J. Rutherford Sydel

J. Rutherford Sydel, best known in Atlanta for marrying in to Ted Turner’s money, is part of the group of somewhere between eight to seventeen business masterminds that own the Atlanta Thrashers, Atlanta Hawks, and the Philips Arena located in downtown Atlanta.

It was 2004 when the Atlanta Spirit Group was forced into partnership by NBA Commissioner David Stern (in order to get Stern’s friend Steve Belkin an NBA team), the Thrashers were full of potential and playing in the state of the art Philips Arena. In just seven short years Philips Arena-- with it's wall of 100 flat screen TV's gone dark, it's filthy bathrooms, and disgustingly grungy concession stands --has become a rundown eyesore (a shocking development considering the number of fans that actually attend events there) and only thing in worse shape than the arena is the prospect of the Atlanta Thrashers staying in Atlanta.

Famous for having a GIGANTIC FUCKING HEAD, a man who would rather go by “Rutherford” instead of whatever the “J.” stands for sat down with us and answered our FIVE QUESTIONS in typical Atlanta Spirit Group fashion… avoidance and outright lies while surrounded by a team of lawyers.

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: Now that the Coyotes are stuck in Phoenix for another year you and your partners are no doubt moving forward with your plans to sell the Thrashers to True North in Winnipeg. I know you guys have made a living the last several years mastering legal mumbo jumbo and coming up with creative ways of circumventing contract language. With all of that on your plate, I appreciate you sitting down with us.

ASG LEGAL COUNCIL: Please stick to questions.

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: What?

J. RUTHERFORK SLYDEL: Was that a question?

ASG LEGAL COUNCIL: Technically, yes. That’s one.

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: Huh?

ASG LEGAL COUNCIL: That’s two.

J. RUSTYFENDER SYDEL: Half way there! Lets wrap this up, I’ve got black people to take pictures with! If we're going to keep the Hawks, I've got to build my street cred!

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: This is ridiculous, even by Atlanta Spirit Group standards.

J. RONTHURFORT SPITOON: (Laughing) Standards, that’s a good one.

ASG LEGAL COUNCIL: Please stick to questions or we will have to begin a long drawn out five to six year legal process to have this interview stricken from the record.

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: Your head is so large that I assume you're named after one of Zues' daughters. It looks like a freaking ginger weather balloon. I was shocked to hear your mother didn't die during child birth. Exactly what size is your head?

J. RUTHERFORK SLYDEL:

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: You said that with a straight face! It’s bigger than Star Jones breasts. Do you even know when you’re lying and when you’re telling the truth anymore?

J. RUTHWESTHIMER SIDECAR: I used to have trouble with that, but I’ve discovered the best way to avoid the confusion is by lying all of the time. We like to call it “The Atlanta Spirit Way”. We are trying our best to sell the Thrashers to a local buyer, it's our number one priority. We are not interested in the fact that the True North group from Winnipeg is willing to offer $70 million more than any other prospective buyer.

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: NOW we are getting somewhere!

J. RANCIDFEET SNIGEL:
See how easily I do that? We've had plenty of practice over that last several years with all of the "We're committed to building a quality on ice product." shit. Hell, I can do it in my sleep... I can do it under oath even!

ASG LEGAL COUNCIL: Last question…

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: What do you mean, “Last question.”?

And with that the ASG Legal Council brought in former mayor Andrew Young for one more picture before they gagged Mr. Slydell and wheeled his monstrous head, and the rest of his body, out of the room. I assume they'll be loading hockey equiptment into that same wheelbarrow and
heading up to Manitoba. While I will be sad to see the Atlanta Thrashers leave, I can take some solace in knowing that the anger and disappointment they have brought to me for these past 11 seasons will now me unleashed on hockey fans in Canada.

Friday, March 11, 2011

A Response From Winter-peg!

The Staff at Sockey On Hockey (I'm not talking about Harry Pohl) has hired a guest blogger this week to provide a counter-point to last months bloggings. We've paid wpgguymb in two fours and curling stones to give us a Northern take on Southern hockey... If you're tweeting, you need to follow this guy, he's delusional!
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I'm writing this as a Winnipeg hockey fan. We are looking for an NHL team... any NHL team. That said, we'd rather have the Coyotes. We don't want no state "bird" you call a Thrasher. WTF is a Thrasher anyways? All I know about birds is that they are messy. They shit everywhere and lose a lot of feathers.

The Thrasher truly represents your hockey team which is a mess. Why would Winnipeg want a mess? We don't. The Thrashers are like the last girl at the bar, you see her but you're too drunk to realize how ugly she is and decide to take her home because she's the only thing left. I'm not sure about you but I dread waking up after the celebration party only to find that ugly pig stinking up our rink. I'd rather have the much prettier girl at the bar. In this case it's the Phoenix Coyotes. They have a good team, a team that is going to MAKE the playoffs. I'm sure glad they don't use, "GO DAWGS" as their cheer. That cheer can stay with some overrated football team at the University of Georgia. Is that the best cheer the fans could come up with? Sure glad I'm not exposed to that cheer on a daily basis, it's pathetic. I guess “git-r-done” was already taken.

I still want Atlanta to lose it’s team. You don’t support hockey, you don’t deserve hockey. I'm suprised the thought of chasing something black with a stick doesn't draw more fans down South. I'd think you'd have to close down the highways to keep everyone from Alabama, Tennessee, and South Carolina out!
I hope the Thrashers end up in Quebec City. That would suit the Thrashers, a crappy team in a crappy arena. However, I have no idea where these Quebec people get the balls to say they are going to get the Thrashers when they have an arena that belongs in a Third World Country. Come on Quebec, man up and build an arena first, then you may want to find someone who has money who can buy a team. Until that comes together, you have nothing but a wet dream.

Winnipeg is close to getting the 'yotes (or the Jokes as we like to call them), our arena is ready and apparently the ownership is ready. Now all we have to do is fly our Jets back home. I'm sure there will be about 3 Coyotes fans that will miss them, but they'll get over it and then maybe someone will give them an AHL team that they won't support -- NOT to be confused with the AHL-quality team that Atlanta doesn't support.

From what I hear in the media it sounds like someone is going to buy the Thrashers. Ya your local sports guy has some sort of inside knowledge that says it will be so. That went well for the Coyotes too, please Google Jerry Reinsdorf, Ice Edge Holdings and Matthew Hulsizer. Ya all those deals worked out awesome and now the Coyotes are just about extinct, so good luck to you with that. Well if you do lose your crappy hockey team you have that crappy football team to watch!

GO DAWGS… and take the Thrashers with you!

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

The Winnipeg News!!

It’s been several weeks since Michael Gearon, one of the 8-15 bumbling owners of the Atlanta Thrashers, Atlanta Hawks, and Philips Arena acknowledged that the Atlanta Spirit Group’s tenure as owners has been an abject failure. During a softball interview with one of his employees, Thrashers sideline reporter girl John Kincade, Gearon admitted that the ownership group had been lying to the fans for 5 plus years and that they HAVE been looking to sell the team to anyone who would take them. The only thing keeping the deal from getting done is that at the time they purchased the team in 2003 they signed an agreement with the NHL not to move the team for 8 years. That agreement expires at the end of the current season.


The rumours have been swirling for months regarding the Thrashers impeding move. As usual, Sockey On Hockey brings you the scoop on all of the inside details of the situation. Members of the Sockey On Hockey staff have been in contact with members of potential ownership groups for the last two years. For almost a year now, there have been reports that a group based in Winnipeg is poised to make an offer for the Atlanta hockey team. Over the past 11 years, the Thrashers have gotten used to playing in a half-empty building. This, and the fact they have never had a successful playoff run are the two things they have in common with the current Winnipeg hockey team, the Manitoba Moose.


In our discussions with these prospective owners, they have repeatedly listed out the reasons why the rebirth of the Winnipeg franchise will be a success for the city of Winnipeg and for the NHL. They’ve pointed out that Winnipeg is the 7th largest city in Canada, and with it’s 694,000 citizens, it dwarfs Atlanta’s 540,000 inhabitants.


While Atlanta can boast having the world’s busiest airport, there are also several major national and international companies headquartered there, including three Fortune 100 companies: The Coca-Cola Company, Home Depot, and United Parcel Service. Other headquarters for some major companies in Atlanta include AirTran Airways, Arby's, AT&T, Chick-fil-A, Delta, Earthlink, Equifax, Gentiva Health Services, Georgia-Pacific, Oxford Industries, RaceTrac Petroleum, Southern Company, SunTrust Banks, and Waffle House. With all this going for them, the local ownership group has been unable to entice any of them into a sponsorship agreement with the Thrashers, Hawks, or Philips Arena.


The Winnipeg investment group already have an NHL quality arena in place that holds over 15,000 fans and the potential owners from Winnipeg have already crafted a solid list of corporate sponsorships agreements with Winnipeg based companies Manitoba Telecom Services, Great-West Life Assurance, Boeing Canada Technology, and Bristol Aerospace.Unfortunately for the all of the diehard NHL fans of Winnipeg, this isn’t enough.


The fact of the matter is that the NHL has NO INTEREST in moving a team from a high profile city like Atlanta to a frozen shit pond located so far in the in the middle of a barren wasteland that you measure distance in hours. The typical Manitoban is not only fat and ugly, but plans their financial futures around their bingo winnings, and isn’t going to pony up the cash for season tickets and still be able to afford the venison, beer, and saskatoons being sold at the concession stands. Besides, the prospect of having Fred Penner doing NHL advertisements makes Gary Bettman throw-up in his mouth.

So here it is you mullet-headed, pronghorn poaching, snow farmers, you had your chance with the Jets and you pissed it away. If you’re looking forward to seeing NHL hockey, it’s going to involve an 8 hour drive to Minneapolis to see the Wild! Otherwise, head down to Portage & Main and spend some of that money you’ve been saving for season tickets and help out the local economy. Pay to watch the hookers urinate in the storm drains!



STUFF A SOCK IN IT WINNIPEG!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Teams showing interest in "Fragile Freddy" Modin?


Sockey On Hockey producer Harry Pohl has spoken to a member of the Atlanta Thrashers' staff who mentioned that there are 'several' Western Conference teams interested in Fredrik Motrin; who has spent most of the season suffering from a variety of injuries.
Though no specifics were discussed, the Kings, Flames, and Canucks could all be potential trade deadline suitors.


The off-season signing of Modin is possibly the low point of the Rick Dudley era. The Thrashers should be happy to get rid of a guy who kept the training staff busy for most of the season.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Sopel Traded (Bergfors next?)

As we reported last week, the Thrashers dealt disgruntled Brett Sopel along with Nigel Dawes to the Montreal Canadiens. The unfortunate thing is that they really got nothing back in return which the Sockey On Hockey staff has taken as surrendering any chance of making the playoffs. The Thrashers are still in need of scoring punch if they are going to try a playoff push, but did not address that with today's trade.

Sockey On Hockey sources are saying that Nic Bergfors -who has spent most of the season in coach Kurt Rambis' doghouse - may be the next to go.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

It's NOT Bogosian Wanting Out...


...it's Brett Sopel. Sockey On Hockey always has it's ear to the wall for the latest news and rumours. While many mainstream outlets are claiming that Eric Bogosian has made a request to be traded, our sources are telling us that it's Brett Sopel (who never bothered to relocate to Atlanta) that has went to management to request he be traded to a bonafide playoff contender.


With the Thrashers struggling, lets hope they use the slow-footed shot blocking stoner to add a bit of scoring punch to the line-up.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Make It Five (Pt. 3): The Montreal Canadiens

In July 2009 I blogged about the “Make It Seven” gimmick perpetrated by Jim Basillie and we at Sockey On Hockey followed that up with our own “Make It Five” campaign. The goal of this entire series is to explain why it would actually make more sense to move another team from Canada-- where the National Sport is Lacrosse -- into the United States.

I started out by suggesting the NHL relocate the hapless Toronto Maple Leafs to Alabama, and followed by sending the Edmonton Oilers to the South’s hotbed of hockey: Texas! This week, I‘ll make a case for moving the Canadiens from snobbish Montreal, Quebec to the similarly passive-aggressive city of Seattle! The pasty grungy masses of Seattle are carbon copies of Montreal’s francophone Québécois who’s culture and behavior scream, “Look at me, I’m different! Just like everybody else!”

These cities are such mirror images of each other that the move could be made during a long road trip leaving the players and coaches completely unaware. When the team plane returns to SEA instead of YUL the players stepping off the 737 into the cold damp air and grey skies would be none the wiser. Montreal and Seattle are equally as isolated from major cities, each sits along a sound/seaway under perennially depressing cloud filled skies, and both have viaducts that serve as the city's premiere traffic congested eye-sore. The Canadians have won 24 Stanley Cups! Who cares that 60% of them were won in an era when the NHL was a league with only 6 teams, Seattle needs a champion!

Makes perfect sense to me! Make it happen! Make it five!

JK

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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Nevermind!

Please disregard the previous bloggings.

Kindest regards,

JK
The Thrashers made an interesting decision at the end of the season to fire head coach, John Anderson. Anderson had stepped in at a very difficult time, taking over a team owned by a group of people uninterested in building a winner. Anderson lead the Thrashers back to back 35 win seasons using players that he was required to make fit his system.

So the Thrashers decided to make a change. It’s certainly not unreasonable to let go a successful coach, in any sport, if you feel the product could or should be better. There are many examples in all sports college and pro, where a winning coach was fired but the next one led the program to much greater successes… Then there’s the Thrashers.

After a detailed thoughtful process, GM Rick Dudley replaced Anderson with former Los Angels Lakers forward Craig Rambis?
After retiring from his NBA career, Rambis became an assistant coach for the Lakers until being announced as the new head coach for the Minnesota Timberwolves in 2009 where in they finished with the 29th worst record in the league.

This decision makes NO sense at all!!

In summary: Anderson, 70-75-19 out; Rambis, 48-110 in.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU BLUELAND!
Stuff a sock in it!

JK

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Thrashers Eliminated From Stanley Cup Playoffs Players Face Possible Suspension

Ilya Kovalchuck returned to Atlanta last night and helped snuff out the Thrashers Stanley Cup playoff hopes again, just like he did year in and year out when he played for the Thrashers. Cannot completely blame Kovycunk this year though as the Trashers have lost 6 of their last eight games.

Ilya led all Devil left wingers with 21:09 of ice time and finished with no goals no assists and no shots in New Jersey’s 3-0 win at The Omni. The Thrashsers offense put the “odor” in Martin Breuodor last night, stinking up the ice with only 19 shots. Ron Henley lead all Thrashers with 4 weak wrested shots on goal.

Sockey On Hockey staff is also following up on if the league will hand out any discipline to Thrasher forwards Maxim Afinagonagov and Nic Andropov (both pictured) for their efforts. The two each logged 16:40 in ice time tallied a total of 4 shots and were a combined -6. No word on any Zamboni damage as a result of the giant stinking turds those two left on the ice during every shift they played.

Sockey On Hockey will update you if and when Colon Campbell stops laughing at the Matt Cooke hit on Mark Savard long enough to review the incidents last night. Until then...

Stuff a sock in it!

Monday, March 01, 2010

Thrashers Check Chris Chelios Out Of Nursing Home

Tomorrow the Thrashers will announce that they have signed 58 year old veteran Chris Chelios to help the team fall short of the playoffs this season. Chelios, who most thought had retired after the 2008-2009 season has apparently still been playing hockey for the Chicago Blackhawks.

Chelios spoke to Sockey On Hockey’s Turner Brown by phone earlier today about the signing and what quoted as saying, "What? WHAT??!! Speak up sonny, I can't understand a word you are saying! Is this phone working?? I can't figure this thing out... HELLO? I think the line is dead! I CAN'T HEAR HIM! What is going on???!??!" He did however decline to be interviewed by me on one of my podcasts saying, “You kids get off my lawn!”

This is JK Sockey reminding you that you heard it hear first and when you hear it later tell the person reporting it...

Stuff a sock in it!

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Kari Mia why -- must we say goodbye?


As I first mentioned in my post scooping the Ilya Kovalchuck trade to NJ last week, Sockey On Hockey staff member Harry Pohl is reporting that Thrashers oft-injured and drunk goaltender Kari Lethemin (pictured above - sober but sucking) is set to be traded to the Dallas Stars.
In return, the Thrashers are looking to get a 3rd or 4th round draft pick in this summer's NHL draft, as well as a low cost puck moving defenseman like Ivan Vishnovsky from the Stars.

In the next few days, when Bruce Garish at the Ottawa Sun, that fat bag of fat Blob McKenzie at TSN, or others in the Canadien media start to report this as a breaking story, you can tell them you already read about it here. Then tell them...

Stuff a sock in it!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Kovy Deal In The Works.

As we get closer to the trade deadline, people are all abuzz with talks of the pending Ilya Kornvalchuk trade. TSN’s list of potential landing spots include Calgary, Boston, Chicago, or NY Rangers. Spector says it’s the Caps who are most interested in Kovy. Eklund has every team currently 4th in their conference or within 8 points of a playoff spot listed as an E4. The Falconer is claiming his sources are telling him it’s the Kings. John Kincade in his typical fashion is claiming he knows… but can’t tell us who (As you can see, he also read my Twit about the pending trade of Kari Lehtonen to Dallas -- though I'm not sure what hat he pulled the name Fabian Brunnstrom out of...). Well I am the source for hockey in Atlanta, and I am telling you who!

Within a matter of days, if not hours Ilya Kovalchuk will be playing for the New Jersey Devils! MY sources --the most reliable in the freaking solar systems-- have told me that Thrashers GM Dan Waddell has spent the last two days speaking directly to Devils GM Lou Lamoriello (pictured left) and Devils Team President Lou Lamoriello (also pictured left) regarding a trade that will send Annsi Salmonella to NJ with winger Ilya Kovalchunk in return the Thrashers will get Johnny Oduya and Nicholas Boogers. I have also been told that the only hold up is that negotiations continue as Waddle hopes to aquire NJ’s 2010 1st round pick AND troubled prospect Patrice Cormier -- who was suspended from the QMJHL after Quebec Remparts defenseman Mikael Tam ran into him and knocked himself unconscionable.





I don’t sprechen sie Deutsch, but it appears Tam is laying on the ice laughing about the penalty he drew on Comrie.
I don't even know why you trust anyone else for the inside info on the Atlanta Thrashers. Follow me and tell the rest of those media hacks...

Stuff a Sock in it!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Thrashers Bolster Blueline


The Atlanta Thrashers plan to acquire a real dummy to play defence, according to my sources within the team. Charlie McCarthy, 28, has previously played for the Atlanta where ge set a career-high in assists (12) and tied his career-high in points (16) in 46 games with the Thrashers during the 2006-07 season.

Prior to his professional career, McCartny played bass for the Beatles and spent several less productive years with the Wings. McCarthy was originally selected by the Chicago Blackhawks in the first round, 23rd overall, of the 1999 NHL Entry Draft.

(Edgar Bergan contributed to this story.)

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Gretzky says, "I quit!" Dave King about dies!


Sockey On Hockey has learned that Phoenix Coyotes coach-in-absentia Wayne Gretzky, Canada’s greatest hockey player, will step down from his coaching position later this week. #99 made the announcement in a meeting with management Tuesday afternoon. This comes as no surprise and the coach of the troubled organization had attended as many Phoenix practices as I have this season: zero.

The Wolfpack were in Seattle to play a game against the Mariners that evening, and when asked to comment, newly hired assistant coach Dave King suffered a heart attack. It must be his lucky day, not only did he live, but it looks like he’ll be getting a field promotion in the coming days.

As always, you read it here first!

Stuff a sock in it,
JK