Like John Kincade, only I know what the fuck I'm talking about!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Make It Five (Pt. 2): The Edmonton Oilers

Earlier in July I blogged about the “Make It Seven” gimmick perpetrated by Jim Basillie and instead started the Sockey On Hockey “Make It Five” campaign. The goal of this entire series is to explain why it would actually make more sense to move at least one more of the Canadian teams into the United States. I started out with the hapless Toronto Maple Leafs, and since I am knocking off paper giants, this week I‘ll convince you that the NHL should move the Oilers from the capital of Alberta to the capital of Texas! That’s right, bring back the Houston Oilers!

The change of scenery won’t be tough on the few players that might be partial to Alberta. Both places have rich oil reserves, expansive cattle ranches, wide open spaces, and nut-ball conservative politics. Albertans probably secretly wish they WERE Texans! The only thing Texas lacks is an ample supply of out of shape, out of work, alabaster-skinned Canadians!

The fact that Houston has more oil than the entire providence of Alberta makes moving the Oilers to Tejas a no-brainer; the name alone could fill even the old Astrodome with southern hockey fans. Opening night could be played in front of 69,500 fans at Reliant Stadium and Earl Campbell would be there to drop the first puck. The team has an instant rival in the Dallas Stars, the most successful southern hockey teams of all time.

Even “The Great (Canadian) One” Wayne Gretzky took the opportunity to leave the barren prairie in the late 80's and headed someplace where the only thing hotter than the women is the weather. He simply blazed a trail that was eventually followed by the likes of Jari Kurri, Todd Marchant, Chris Pronger, and every Smith/Smyth that’s ever played for the team.

With the team in money saving mode the team jerseys can remain the same for the first year before changing to the famous red, white, and Columbia blue of the old NFL days and ensuring a second straight year of record jersey sales! Ca-ching! By 2012 the team is ready to actually spend the money to once again become enticing to top tier players. Soon the franchise can return to respectability, and bring back the glory of Oiler teams from years (and years and years) gone by.

Makes perfect sense to me! Make it happen! Make it five!

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