Like John Kincade, only I know what the fuck I'm talking about!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Make It Five (Pt. 3): The Montreal Canadiens

In July 2009 I blogged about the “Make It Seven” gimmick perpetrated by Jim Basillie and we at Sockey On Hockey followed that up with our own “Make It Five” campaign. The goal of this entire series is to explain why it would actually make more sense to move another team from Canada-- where the National Sport is Lacrosse -- into the United States.

I started out by suggesting the NHL relocate the hapless Toronto Maple Leafs to Alabama, and followed by sending the Edmonton Oilers to the South’s hotbed of hockey: Texas! This week, I‘ll make a case for moving the Canadiens from snobbish Montreal, Quebec to the similarly passive-aggressive city of Seattle! The pasty grungy masses of Seattle are carbon copies of Montreal’s francophone Québécois who’s culture and behavior scream, “Look at me, I’m different! Just like everybody else!”

These cities are such mirror images of each other that the move could be made during a long road trip leaving the players and coaches completely unaware. When the team plane returns to SEA instead of YUL the players stepping off the 737 into the cold damp air and grey skies would be none the wiser. Montreal and Seattle are equally as isolated from major cities, each sits along a sound/seaway under perennially depressing cloud filled skies, and both have viaducts that serve as the city's premiere traffic congested eye-sore. The Canadians have won 24 Stanley Cups! Who cares that 60% of them were won in an era when the NHL was a league with only 6 teams, Seattle needs a champion!

Makes perfect sense to me! Make it happen! Make it five!