SOCKEY ON HOCKEY

5 Questions With... J. Rutherford Sydel

2011-05-14T19:10:00.002-04:00

J. Rutherford Sydel, best known in Atlanta for marrying in to Ted Turner’s money, is part of the group of somewhere between eight to seventeen business masterminds that own the Atlanta Thrashers, Atlanta Hawks, and the Philips Arena located in downtown Atlanta.

It was 2004 when the Atlanta Spirit Group was forced into partnership by NBA Commissioner David Stern (in order to get Stern’s friend Steve Belkin an NBA team), the Thrashers were full of potential and playing in the state of the art Philips Arena. In just seven short years Philips Arena-- with it's wall of 100 flat screen TV's gone dark, it's filthy bathrooms, and disgustingly grungy concession stands --has become a rundown eyesore (a shocking development considering the number of fans that actually attend events there) and only thing in worse shape than the arena is the prospect of the Atlanta Thrashers staying in Atlanta.

Famous for having a GIGANTIC FUCKING HEAD, a man who would rather go by “Rutherford” instead of whatever the “J.” stands for sat down with us and answered our FIVE QUESTIONS in typical Atlanta Spirit Group fashion… avoidance and outright lies while surrounded by a team of lawyers.

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: Now that the Coyotes are stuck in Phoenix for another year you and your partners are no doubt moving forward with your plans to sell the Thrashers to True North in Winnipeg. I know you guys have made a living the last several years mastering legal mumbo jumbo and coming up with creative ways of circumventing contract language. With all of that on your plate, I appreciate you sitting down with us.

ASG LEGAL COUNCIL: Please stick to questions.

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: What?

J. RUTHERFORK SLYDEL: Was that a question?

ASG LEGAL COUNCIL: Technically, yes. That’s one.

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: Huh?

ASG LEGAL COUNCIL: That’s two.

J. RUSTYFENDER SYDEL: Half way there! Lets wrap this up, I’ve got black people to take pictures with! If we're going to keep the Hawks, I've got to build my street cred!

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: This is ridiculous, even by Atlanta Spirit Group standards.

J. RONTHURFORT SPITOON: (Laughing) Standards, that’s a good one.

ASG LEGAL COUNCIL: Please stick to questions or we will have to begin a long drawn out five to six year legal process to have this interview stricken from the record.

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: Your head is so large that I assume you're named after one of Zues' daughters. It looks like a freaking ginger weather balloon. I was shocked to hear your mother didn't die during child birth. Exactly what size is your head?

J. RUTHERFORK SLYDEL: 7¼

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: You said that with a straight face! It’s bigger than Star Jones breasts. Do you even know when you’re lying and when you’re telling the truth anymore?

J. RUTHWESTHIMER SIDECAR: I used to have trouble with that, but I’ve discovered the best way to avoid the confusion is by lying all of the time. We like to call it “The Atlanta Spirit Way”. We are trying our best to sell the Thrashers to a local buyer, it's our number one priority. We are not interested in the fact that the True North group from Winnipeg is willing to offer $70 million more than any other prospective buyer.

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: NOW we are getting somewhere!

J. RANCIDFEET SNIGEL: See how easily I do that? We've had plenty of practice over that last several years with all of the "We're committed to building a quality on ice product." shit. Hell, I can do it in my sleep... I can do it under oath even!

ASG LEGAL COUNCIL: Last question…

SOCKEY ON HOCKEY: What do you mean, “Last question.”?

And with that the ASG Legal Council brought in former mayor Andrew Young for one more picture before they gagged Mr. Slydell and wheeled his monstrous head, and the rest of his body, out of the room. I assume they'll be loading hockey equiptment into that same wheelbarrow and
heading up to Manitoba. While I will be sad to see the Atlanta Thrashers leave, I can take some solace in knowing that the anger and disappointment they have brought to me for these past 11 seasons will now me unleashed on hockey fans in Canada.

A Response From Winter-peg!

2011-03-11T22:37:00.015-05:00

The Staff at Sockey On Hockey (I'm not talking about Harry Pohl) has hired a guest blogger this week to provide a counter-point to last months bloggings. We've paid wpgguymb in two fours and curling stones to give us a Northern take on Southern hockey... If you're tweeting, you need to follow this guy, he's delusional!
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I'm writing this as a Winnipeg hockey fan. We are looking for an NHL team... any NHL team. That said, we'd rather have the Coyotes. We don't want no state "bird" you call a Thrasher. WTF is a Thrasher anyways? All I know about birds is that they are messy. They shit everywhere and lose a lot of feathers.

The Thrasher truly represents your hockey team which is a mess. Why would Winnipeg want a mess? We don't. The Thrashers are like the last girl at the bar, you see her but you're too drunk to realize how ugly she is and decide to take her home because she's the only thing left. I'm not sure about you but I dread waking up after the celebration party only to find that ugly pig stinking up our rink. I'd rather have the much prettier girl at the bar. In this case it's the Phoenix Coyotes. They have a good team, a team that is going to MAKE the playoffs. I'm sure glad they don't use, "GO DAWGS" as their cheer. That cheer can stay with some overrated football team at the University of Georgia. Is that the best cheer the fans could come up with? Sure glad I'm not exposed to that cheer on a daily basis, it's pathetic. I guess “git-r-done” was already taken.

I still want Atlanta to lose it’s team. You don’t support hockey, you don’t deserve hockey. I'm suprised the thought of chasing something black with a stick doesn't draw more fans down South. I'd think you'd have to close down the highways to keep everyone from Alabama, Tennessee, and South Carolina out!
I hope the Thrashers end up in Quebec City. That would suit the Thrashers, a crappy team in a crappy arena. However, I have no idea where these Quebec people get the balls to say they are going to get the Thrashers when they have an arena that belongs in a Third World Country. Come on Quebec, man up and build an arena first, then you may want to find someone who has money who can buy a team. Until that comes together, you have nothing but a wet dream.

Winnipeg is close to getting the 'yotes (or the Jokes as we like to call them), our arena is ready and apparently the ownership is ready. Now all we have to do is fly our Jets back home. I'm sure there will be about 3 Coyotes fans that will miss them, but they'll get over it and then maybe someone will give them an AHL team that they won't support -- NOT to be confused with the AHL-quality team that Atlanta doesn't support.

From what I hear in the media it sounds like someone is going to buy the Thrashers. Ya your local sports guy has some sort of inside knowledge that says it will be so. That went well for the Coyotes too, please Google Jerry Reinsdorf, Ice Edge Holdings and Matthew Hulsizer. Ya all those deals worked out awesome and now the Coyotes are just about extinct, so good luck to you with that. Well if you do lose your crappy hockey team you have that crappy football team to watch!

GO DAWGS… and take the Thrashers with you!

The Winnipeg News!!

2011-03-01T14:00:00.000-05:00

It’s been several weeks since Michael Gearon, one of the 8-15 bumbling owners of the Atlanta Thrashers, Atlanta Hawks, and Philips Arena acknowledged that the Atlanta Spirit Group’s tenure as owners has been an abject failure. During a softball interview with one of his employees, Thrashers sideline reporter girl John Kincade, Gearon admitted that the ownership group had been lying to the fans for 5 plus years and that they HAVE been looking to sell the team to anyone who would take them. The only thing keeping the deal from getting done is that at the time they purchased the team in 2003 they signed an agreement with the NHL not to move the team for 8 years. That agreement expires at the end of the current season.

The rumours have been swirling for months regarding the Thrashers impeding move. As usual, Sockey On Hockey brings you the scoop on all of the inside details of the situation. Members of the Sockey On Hockey staff have been in contact with members of potential ownership groups for the last two years. For almost a year now, there have been reports that a group based in Winnipeg is poised to make an offer for the Atlanta hockey team. Over the past 11 years, the Thrashers have gotten used to playing in a half-empty building. This, and the fact they have never had a successful playoff run are the two things they have in common with the current Winnipeg hockey team, the Manitoba Moose.

In our discussions with these prospective owners, they have repeatedly listed out the reasons why the rebirth of the Winnipeg franchise will be a success for the city of Winnipeg and for the NHL. They’ve pointed out that Winnipeg is the 7th largest city in Canada, and with it’s 694,000 citizens, it dwarfs Atlanta’s 540,000 inhabitants.

While Atlanta can boast having the world’s busiest airport, there are also several major national and international companies headquartered there, including three Fortune 100 companies: The Coca-Cola Company, Home Depot, and United Parcel Service. Other headquarters for some major companies in Atlanta include AirTran Airways, Arby's, AT&T, Chick-fil-A, Delta, Earthlink, Equifax, Gentiva Health Services, Georgia-Pacific, Oxford Industries, RaceTrac Petroleum, Southern Company, SunTrust Banks, and Waffle House. With all this going for them, the local ownership group has been unable to entice any of them into a sponsorship agreement with the Thrashers, Hawks, or Philips Arena.

The Winnipeg investment group already have an NHL quality arena in place that holds over 15,000 fans and the potential owners from Winnipeg have already crafted a solid list of corporate sponsorships agreements with Winnipeg based companies Manitoba Telecom Services, Great-West Life Assurance, Boeing Canada Technology, and Bristol Aerospace.Unfortunately for the all of the diehard NHL fans of Winnipeg, this isn’t enough.

The fact of the matter is that the NHL has NO INTEREST in moving a team from a high profile city like Atlanta to a frozen shit pond located so far in the in the middle of a barren wasteland that you measure distance in hours. The typical Manitoban is not only fat and ugly, but plans their financial futures around their bingo winnings, and isn’t going to pony up the cash for season tickets and still be able to afford the venison, beer, and saskatoons being sold at the concession stands. Besides, the prospect of having Fred Penner doing NHL advertisements makes Gary Bettman throw-up in his mouth.

So here it is you mullet-headed, pronghorn poaching, snow farmers, you had your chance with the Jets and you pissed it away. If you’re looking forward to seeing NHL hockey, it’s going to involve an 8 hour drive to Minneapolis to see the Wild! Otherwise, head down to Portage & Main and spend some of that money you’ve been saving for season tickets and help out the local economy. Pay to watch the hookers urinate in the storm drains!

STUFF A SOCK IN IT WINNIPEG!

Teams showing interest in "Fragile Freddy" Modin?

2011-02-27T07:04:00.001-05:00

Sockey On Hockey producer Harry Pohl has spoken to a member of the Atlanta Thrashers' staff who mentioned that there are 'several' Western Conference teams interested in Fredrik Motrin; who has spent most of the season suffering from a variety of injuries.

Though no specifics were discussed, the Kings, Flames, and Canucks could all be potential trade deadline suitors.

The off-season signing of Modin is possibly the low point of the Rick Dudley era. The Thrashers should be happy to get rid of a guy who kept the training staff busy for most of the season.

Sopel Traded (Bergfors next?)

2011-02-24T15:11:00.002-05:00

As we reported last week, the Thrashers dealt disgruntled Brett Sopel along with Nigel Dawes to the Montreal Canadiens. The unfortunate thing is that they really got nothing back in return which the Sockey On Hockey staff has taken as surrendering any chance of making the playoffs. The Thrashers are still in need of scoring punch if they are going to try a playoff push, but did not address that with today's trade.

Sockey On Hockey sources are saying that Nic Bergfors -who has spent most of the season in coach Kurt Rambis' doghouse - may be the next to go.

It's NOT Bogosian Wanting Out...

2011-02-15T17:22:00.000-05:00

...it's Brett Sopel. Sockey On Hockey always has it's ear to the wall for the latest news and rumours. While many mainstream outlets are claiming that Eric Bogosian has made a request to be traded, our sources are telling us that it's Brett Sopel (who never bothered to relocate to Atlanta) that has went to management to request he be traded to a bonafide playoff contender.

With the Thrashers struggling, lets hope they use the slow-footed shot blocking stoner to add a bit of scoring punch to the line-up.

Make It Five (Pt. 3): The Montreal Canadiens

2011-01-12T19:43:00.015-05:00

In July 2009 I blogged about the “Make It Seven” gimmick perpetrated by Jim Basillie and we at Sockey On Hockey followed that up with our own “Make It Five” campaign. The goal of this entire series is to explain why it would actually make more sense to move another team from Canada-- where the National Sport is Lacrosse -- into the United States.

I started out by suggesting the NHL relocate the hapless Toronto Maple Leafs to Alabama, and followed by sending the Edmonton Oilers to the South’s hotbed of hockey: Texas! This week, I‘ll make a case for moving the Canadiens from snobbish Montreal, Quebec to the similarly passive-aggressive city of Seattle! The pasty grungy masses of Seattle are carbon copies of Montreal’s francophone Québécois who’s culture and behavior scream, “Look at me, I’m different! Just like everybody else!”

These cities are such mirror images of each other that the move could be made during a long road trip leaving the players and coaches completely unaware. When the team plane returns to SEA instead of YUL the players stepping off the 737 into the cold damp air and grey skies would be none the wiser. Montreal and Seattle are equally as isolated from major cities, each sits along a sound/seaway under perennially depressing cloud filled skies, and both have viaducts that serve as the city's premiere traffic congested eye-sore. The Canadians have won 24 Stanley Cups! Who cares that 60% of them were won in an era when the NHL was a league with only 6 teams, Seattle needs a champion!

Makes perfect sense to me! Make it happen! Make it five!

Nevermind!

2010-06-24T17:37:00.000-04:00

Please disregard the previous bloggings.

Kindest regards,

JK

2010-06-24T17:31:00.003-04:00

The Thrashers made an interesting decision at the end of the season to fire head coach, John Anderson. Anderson had stepped in at a very difficult time, taking over a team owned by a group of people uninterested in building a winner. Anderson lead the Thrashers back to back 35 win seasons using players that he was required to make fit his system.

So the Thrashers decided to make a change. It’s certainly not unreasonable to let go a successful coach, in any sport, if you feel the product could or should be better. There are many examples in all sports college and pro, where a winning coach was fired but the next one led the program to much greater successes… Then there’s the Thrashers.

After a detailed thoughtful process, GM Rick Dudley replaced Anderson with former Los Angels Lakers forward Craig Rambis?
After retiring from his NBA career, Rambis became an assistant coach for the Lakers until being announced as the new head coach for the Minnesota Timberwolves in 2009 where in they finished with the 29th worst record in the league.

This decision makes NO sense at all!!

In summary: Anderson, 70-75-19 out; Rambis, 48-110 in.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU BLUELAND!
Stuff a sock in it!

JK

Thrashers Eliminated From Stanley Cup Playoffs Players Face Possible Suspension

2010-04-07T00:43:00.003-04:00

Ilya Kovalchuck returned to Atlanta last night and helped snuff out the Thrashers Stanley Cup playoff hopes again, just like he did year in and year out when he played for the Thrashers. Cannot completely blame Kovycunk this year though as the Trashers have lost 6 of their last eight games.

Ilya led all Devil left wingers with 21:09 of ice time and finished with no goals no assists and no shots in New Jersey’s 3-0 win at The Omni. The Thrashsers offense put the “odor” in Martin Breuodor last night, stinking up the ice with only 19 shots. Ron Henley lead all Thrashers with 4 weak wrested shots on goal.

Sockey On Hockey staff is also following up on if the league will hand out any discipline to Thrasher forwards Maxim Afinagonagov and Nic Andropov (both pictured) for their efforts. The two each logged 16:40 in ice time tallied a total of 4 shots and were a combined -6. No word on any Zamboni damage as a result of the giant stinking turds those two left on the ice during every shift they played.

Sockey On Hockey will update you if and when Colon Campbell stops laughing at the Matt Cooke hit on Mark Savard long enough to review the incidents last night. Until then...

Stuff a sock in it!

Thrashers Check Chris Chelios Out Of Nursing Home

2010-03-01T14:47:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow the Thrashers will announce that they have signed 58 year old veteran Chris Chelios to help the team fall short of the playoffs this season. Chelios, who most thought had retired after the 2008-2009 season has apparently still been playing hockey for the Chicago Blackhawks.

Chelios spoke to Sockey On Hockey’s Turner Brown by phone earlier today about the signing and what quoted as saying, "What? WHAT??!! Speak up sonny, I can't understand a word you are saying! Is this phone working?? I can't figure this thing out... HELLO? I think the line is dead! I CAN'T HEAR HIM! What is going on???!??!" He did however decline to be interviewed by me on one of my podcasts saying, “You kids get off my lawn!”

This is JK Sockey reminding you that you heard it hear first and when you hear it later tell the person reporting it...

Stuff a sock in it!

Kari Mia why -- must we say goodbye?

2010-02-07T12:05:00.005-05:00

As I first mentioned in my post scooping the Ilya Kovalchuck trade to NJ last week, Sockey On Hockey staff member Harry Pohl is reporting that Thrashers oft-injured and drunk goaltender Kari Lethemin (pictured above - sober but sucking) is set to be traded to the Dallas Stars.

In return, the Thrashers are looking to get a 3rd or 4th round draft pick in this summer's NHL draft, as well as a low cost puck moving defenseman like Ivan Vishnovsky from the Stars.

In the next few days, when Bruce Garish at the Ottawa Sun, that fat bag of fat Blob McKenzie at TSN, or others in the Canadien media start to report this as a breaking story, you can tell them you already read about it here. Then tell them...

Stuff a sock in it!

Kovy Deal In The Works.

2010-02-03T18:33:00.001-05:00

As we get closer to the trade deadline, people are all abuzz with talks of the pending Ilya Kornvalchuk trade. TSN’s list of potential landing spots include Calgary, Boston, Chicago, or NY Rangers. Spector says it’s the Caps who are most interested in Kovy. Eklund has every team currently 4th in their conference or within 8 points of a playoff spot listed as an E4. The Falconer is claiming his sources are telling him it’s the Kings. John Kincade in his typical fashion is claiming he knows… but can’t tell us who (As you can see, he also read my Twit about the pending trade of Kari Lehtonen to Dallas -- though I'm not sure what hat he pulled the name Fabian Brunnstrom out of...). Well I am the source for hockey in Atlanta, and I am telling you who!

Within a matter of days, if not hours Ilya Kovalchuk will be playing for the New Jersey Devils! MY sources --the most reliable in the freaking solar systems-- have told me that Thrashers GM Dan Waddell has spent the last two days speaking directly to Devils GM Lou Lamoriello (pictured left) and Devils Team President Lou Lamoriello (also pictured left) regarding a trade that will send Annsi Salmonella to NJ with winger Ilya Kovalchunk in return the Thrashers will get Johnny Oduya and Nicholas Boogers. I have also been told that the only hold up is that negotiations continue as Waddle hopes to aquire NJ’s 2010 1st round pick AND troubled prospect Patrice Cormier -- who was suspended from the QMJHL after Quebec Remparts defenseman Mikael Tam ran into him and knocked himself unconscionable.

I don’t sprechen sie Deutsch, but it appears Tam is laying on the ice laughing about the penalty he drew on Comrie.

I don't even know why you trust anyone else for the inside info on the Atlanta Thrashers. Follow me and tell the rest of those media hacks...

Stuff a Sock in it!

Thrashers Bolster Blueline

2009-09-24T11:38:00.001-04:00

The Atlanta Thrashers plan to acquire a real dummy to play defence, according to my sources within the team. Charlie McCarthy, 28, has previously played for the Atlanta where ge set a career-high in assists (12) and tied his career-high in points (16) in 46 games with the Thrashers during the 2006-07 season.

Prior to his professional career, McCartny played bass for the Beatles and spent several less productive years with the Wings. McCarthy was originally selected by the Chicago Blackhawks in the first round, 23rd overall, of the 1999 NHL Entry Draft.

(Edgar Bergan contributed to this story.)

Gretzky says, "I quit!" Dave King about dies!

2009-09-23T06:35:00.002-04:00

Sockey On Hockey has learned that Phoenix Coyotes coach-in-absentia Wayne Gretzky, Canada’s greatest hockey player, will step down from his coaching position later this week. #99 made the announcement in a meeting with management Tuesday afternoon. This comes as no surprise and the coach of the troubled organization had attended as many Phoenix practices as I have this season: zero.

The Wolfpack were in Seattle to play a game against the Mariners that evening, and when asked to comment, newly hired assistant coach Dave King suffered a heart attack. It must be his lucky day, not only did he live, but it looks like he’ll be getting a field promotion in the coming days.

As always, you read it here first!

Stuff a sock in it,
JK

Nic Lidstrom: More than a Norris Trophy wiener

2009-09-21T21:46:00.000-04:00

I thought you did a wonderful job hosting the Emmys on Sunday night!

Make It Five (Pt. 2): The Edmonton Oilers

2009-07-30T13:47:00.002-04:00

Earlier in July I blogged about the “Make It Seven” gimmick perpetrated by Jim Basillie and instead started the Sockey On Hockey “Make It Five” campaign. The goal of this entire series is to explain why it would actually make more sense to move at least one more of the Canadian teams into the United States. I started out with the hapless Toronto Maple Leafs, and since I am knocking off paper giants, this week I‘ll convince you that the NHL should move the Oilers from the capital of Alberta to the capital of Texas! That’s right, bring back the Houston Oilers!

The change of scenery won’t be tough on the few players that might be partial to Alberta. Both places have rich oil reserves, expansive cattle ranches, wide open spaces, and nut-ball conservative politics. Albertans probably secretly wish they WERE Texans! The only thing Texas lacks is an ample supply of out of shape, out of work, alabaster-skinned Canadians!

The fact that Houston has more oil than the entire providence of Alberta makes moving the Oilers to Tejas a no-brainer; the name alone could fill even the old Astrodome with southern hockey fans. Opening night could be played in front of 69,500 fans at Reliant Stadium and Earl Campbell would be there to drop the first puck. The team has an instant rival in the Dallas Stars, the most successful southern hockey teams of all time.

Even “The Great (Canadian) One” Wayne Gretzky took the opportunity to leave the barren prairie in the late 80's and headed someplace where the only thing hotter than the women is the weather. He simply blazed a trail that was eventually followed by the likes of Jari Kurri, Todd Marchant, Chris Pronger, and every Smith/Smyth that’s ever played for the team.

With the team in money saving mode the team jerseys can remain the same for the first year before changing to the famous red, white, and Columbia blue of the old NFL days and ensuring a second straight year of record jersey sales! Ca-ching! By 2012 the team is ready to actually spend the money to once again become enticing to top tier players. Soon the franchise can return to respectability, and bring back the glory of Oiler teams from years (and years and years) gone by.

Makes perfect sense to me! Make it happen! Make it five!
JK

Make It Five (Pt. 1): The Toronto Maple Leafs

2009-07-10T11:51:00.012-04:00

Earlier this month I blogged about the “Make It Seven” gimmick perpetrated by Jim Basillie and pledged to counter it with my own “Make It Five” campaign. Starting this week, I will outline why it would actually make more sense to move more of the Canadian teams into the United States. We will begin by outlining the reasons why the Toronto Maple Leafs are the most plausible choice to be relocated.

The Toronto Make Me Laughs are considered to be the most storied franchise in hockey history. Just ask their fans, the Leaf Nation. If they believe that Toronto still deserves an NHL hockey team, they may want to consider calling themselves “Disbelief Nation”. Most of Toronto’s glory years -- no ALL of Toronto’s glory years -- occurred prior to the 1967 league expansion that diluted the talent pool. The last time the Leafs won the Cup, people were listening to games on transistor radios or watching on black and white television! Man had not stepped foot on the moon, phones had cords, milk was delivered in glass bottles, and the computer you are reading this on would have been the size of a two car garage!

After making their last Stanley Cup Finals appearance in 1967 and with the league doubling in size from 6 to 12 teams, the Leafs had some of their best seasons in the early 1970’s. Following that came a fork in the road where expectations and reality went opposite directions for 20 years. The last notable mention of the “Maple Leafs” and “Stanley Cup Finals” in the same sentence occurred in 1993 when Wayne Gretzky’s hat-trick meant that, “The Toronto Maple Leafs won’t be going to the Stanley Cup Finals.”

Having not made the playoffs since the 2003-04 season, what have they done to address this situation? They hired Brian Burke as GM., an AMERICAN! The fact of the matter is that the Toronto Maple Leafs are an embarrassment to the country where hockey was born! They should not be relocated from Canada, they should be chased out by an angry mob! What city knows angry mobs better than Birmingham, Alabama (Detroit & LA already have teams)? The silver maple is actually the Alabama State Tree, only there is a noose hanging from it.

With hockey’s successful expansion into the southern United States (thanks to Mike Modano and the Dallas Stars), now is the perfect time to move the Maple Leafs from the capital of Canada to the capital of the South: Alabama.

I would then put the new ALABAMA MAPLE LEAFS in the Southeast Division with such stiff competition as the Carolina Hurricanes, Tampa Bay Lightning, Washington Capitals, and Florida Panthers.

Don’t laugh! Each of these teams have more Stanley Cup Finals appearances in the last 40 years than Toronto. Even the lowly Atlanta Thrashers have been to the playoffs since the lockout, a feat unmatched by the historic franchise from Toronto.

Makes perfect sense to me! Make it happen! Make it five!

JK

Make It Five!

2009-07-08T15:24:00.011-04:00

Recently Jim "Bullet-Head" Balsillie (pronounced: bahls-SILLY) attempted to move the Phoenix Coyotes to Canada. The trillionaire blackberry farmer had planned to purchase the most successful NHL team in Arizona history and move it to Hamilton, a suburb of Buffalo. In grand marketing fashion Ballsilly even came up with a catchy slogan for his grand scheme of cashing in on the weak exchange rate, "Make It Seven" (MI7). No, this does not refer to how many trillions he has in the bank, but to bringing a seventh team to the salmon rich American colony to the north. The MI7 campaign was appealing to all of the providences of Canada! I mean, Canada is basically the birthplace of the sport (and by ‘birthplace’ I mean brought over from Scotland in the form of shinty)!

"Make It Seven"-day took place on June 19th in Hamilton. Unfortunately, Ballsilly could not make it to the rally that he organized, and apparently neither could 300 people. It doesn’t take a zillionaire to produce such a lack of success, I have decided I can match it! The MI7 rally has spurred me on to doing what I do best, steal and idea and make it better! Over the next several weeks I will be kicking off the online campaign on my blog as well as contacting NHL Commissar Gary Bentman regarding a renewed push to grow the sport (in the country that financially supports the league) by relocating one of the Canadian teams to a deserving city here in the United States!

MAKE IT 5!

Next week: Why the Leafs should be moved to Birmingham, Alabama!

New Thrasers Commercial & Fan Protest

2009-02-28T11:12:00.003-05:00

A fan has started a grass roots protest against the Atlanta Spirit. Look for a mention at ajc.com on Monday March 2nd. Remember to bag your faces for the March 6th game vs. Montreal. An example bag is at the end of this clip:

I am watching the Pens beat the Thrashers tonight

2008-11-20T21:09:00.001-05:00

I was going to post answers to my Male Bag, but all I got were 200 messages from Mona flodding my inbox.

The AJC’s hockey writer Mark Knoble is stealing my spotlight. He’s taken over the position of polluting the internets with meaningless hockey talk. This guy couldn’t cover the GA Tech football team, and he hasn’t improved much with the move to hockey. His last several stories have consisted of Byron Little getting an apartment, Kovy not willing to be a leader, and Jasons William playing music in the locker room. If these are the stories making the paper, I wonder what ideas he ISN’T using….

Speaking of Byron Little, why come we have him playing winger? I think he was a center and haven’t the Thrashers been somewhat weak in that position lately? And by lately I mean the last 9 years. This team has yet to draft and develop a skilled center.

I saw Eric Christiansen today. He was on the side of Harry’s milk carton. Apparently he has been missing since being traded to the Thrashers last season. How long does a slump have to be before you just consider the player untalented? How many chances does this guy get when the team has players like Brent Stirling who is a top AHLer and seems to get a fair shake?

Better Later Than Ever!

2008-10-24T18:32:00.002-04:00

It's my season preview.
You Tube won't let me put it up.

Sockey On Hockey: 2009 Season Opener.

Who's the colored guy with Kamal?

2008-08-21T18:32:00.004-04:00

Hello Thrasher Fan.

I am out of jail now, no thanks to my attorney. It did push back my schedule as far as submitting my demo tape to become the new arena announcer, but after a chance meating with Jafee, I was able to secure Kamal’s home address and swung by his Dunwoody digs to have a chat. Of course he did not know I was wearing a wire and was able to get a little bit more information about the Boobland Blogger.

Chatting with Kamal

Harry Pohl's Announcer Demo/JK Sockey in Court

2008-07-30T23:51:00.001-04:00

I have to keep this short. I am getting a job. I need $450 and fast. I will have to work on MY announcer demo.

Here is Harry Pohl's Announcer Demo and Gordon Lightfoot Hat-Trick defending me in court against the Blueland Booger.

Then Steve Creig, Now Turner Brown.

2008-07-17T01:22:00.003-04:00

Hello fan,
I am not sure if you have heard that the Thrashers have lost PA announcer Steve Craig to the NY Islanders. Members of the Sockey On Hockey staff have been submitting thier own audition demos to the team.
Click on that link to hear our own Turner Brown.
Be careful he swears a lots.

Feel free to let us know what you think.
Don't be a Kincade, sign your comments!

Stuff a sock in it!
JK

Define "big splash".

2008-07-02T17:37:00.001-04:00

Don Waddle promised to make a big splash in free agency this off-season. Well at teh end of day two of the UFA signing period, we have Ron Hainsey!

Who?

Exactly.

Ben at the Booland Blog had this to say about Atlanta’s big (and ONLY) free agent signing:
"Hainsey had 8 goals last year and 9 the year before. Our franchise record for goals in a season by a defenseman is 10. With Hainsey going from the defensively tight West to the more free-flowing East he could break that mark if he continues to play as well as he did in Columbus. Hainsey played on Columbus' top pair and averaged 22:33 of ice-time per game in 2007-08.

It's way too early to start predicting lineups, but if John Anderson wants to keep Enstrom and Havelid together next season I could see Bogosian and Hainsey being a quality 1B pairing.

What do you think?"

I think you are a dickbag. Do you even watch hockey or are you too busy chatting online with Chad Denny? He’s moving from the “defensively tight West to the more free-flowing East”? You may want to turn a few tricks and invest in Center Ice.
This signing really shows what a sad state the team is in. The Thrashers have to pay$4.5 million to get a second rate player to leave the BlueJackets. Am I really supposed to believe that he was even on the team’s radar before noon today? Meanwhile the Penguins re-sign Brooks Orpik for 6 years at $3.75 per year. Nobody in Atlanta wants either of these guys, but who would you rather have?

Free Agent Extravaganza!

2008-07-01T21:35:00.001-04:00

Live Blogcast (in HD). Tune in now!

Trade Deadline Playoff Push

2008-02-26T22:07:00.003-05:00

Hi Everybody!

I know what you are thinking, “Where have you been all year JK?”
Well, honestly, what did I miss? Nothing I have not been watching for the last eight years. Today we saw the continuation of the “Five Year Plan”, and I haven’t been this disappointed since Billy Jafee asked me if I wanted to tape his stick.

“Run a hockey team? They couldn’t run a foot race!”
I am not going to blame Don Waddle, I am going to blame the ass-huffers known as the Atlanta Spirit. What other owner(s) is/are too cheap to hire a coach? I believe Waddle’s hands are tied and when he is fired at the end of the season, I would not be shocked to see Bruce Livingston or Ed Piskowitz take over as coaches. My source has always indicated that though they have a knack for saving money they usually have their collective head up their asses, and that was prior to being fired in a cost cutting move. Lets face it, the Atlanta Spirit is a ten-headed monster with shit for brains. Yes, I said TEN HEADED because I counted this guy’s monster-truck of a head twice:

At least Holenfield has an excuse for being mentally retarded.

I am not really bothered about losing Hossa. He has always done a Doug Henning-like disappearing act in the playoffs.

Bye bye, playoff hopes!

I did however, like saying Dew-pweeeeee a lot. Adding Kobe Armstrong, Edge & Christian gives the Thrashers the deepest 3rd and 4th lines in the NHL, and it’s evident that those lines are set for playoff push. What DOES bother me is what the other SE teams did leading up to the deadline, they improved themselves.

In other news, Alexi Shitnik was quoted as saying, “I haven’t had flu symptoms in 4 days.” I hope you have somebody read this to you, telling people you had the flu was Waddle’s way of making an excuse for benching you for your garbage defensive play. Denying those reports tells me you are as stupid off of the ice as you appear to be on it. Stop talking and go practice skating backwards you money stealing cinder block!

I want to go on the record as saying The Falconer IS a hack. When I get the fire damage that ravaged my recording studio fixed, I’ll invite him to join me for a podcast. For now, I am just going to include his name on my bloggers to increase my hit count.

Stuff a sock in it!

Atlanta's New Minor League Team

2007-10-08T19:07:00.000-04:00

Hello bloggings reader! If you are looking for Atlanta Thrasher information, let me know when you find some! You can look at the Boobland Blog, an oft updated version of the Emperor's New Clothes. If this shill continues to tell Thrasher fans how great things are going, enough people will believe it to keep the building 1/2 full well into winter. Look at the bright side, with Chad Denny in Chicago, we don't have to keep hearing about how the fat kid is going to be the answer to the Thrasher defensive woes. Keep in mind that this is the same butt-taser that hated the Thrasher jerseys until he was on the pay roll! Heck there he's not the only one in Atlanta with his head up his ass, there's this wonderful piece from Thrasher broadcaster Darrell Eliot. In the USA Today's preseason hockey write up, he predicted that Pittsburgh Panther forward Evnegi Malkin would win the Rookie Of The Year Award. Wow, what hindsight! Mr. Malkin DID win the Calder Cup, during his rookie year. In 2006-2007. If you think that is bad, you should try to listen to him polish a turd on the post game show.

As you can see, when it comes to knowledgeable hockey news in Atlanta, there is a void, and if there is one thing I enjoy, it's filling voids. So with the Thrashers are off to a typical 0-2 start, and probably on the way to a 0 for October start, I am here to divert your attention away from all that for just a while. People want to know when I am going to post another pod-cast, but it is hard to put together 3 minutes of conversation about this team. I guess I could run down the roster for you.

#9. Pascal Dupuis- I used to pronounce his name like it is spelled. Harry Pohl corrected me, and now I love saying, "Du-pwweeeeeee!"
#10. Brian Little- Should be centering the 1st line, but the Thrashers are paying Toad White too much to play on the 2nd line.
#11. Eric Perrin- See #7.
#12. Toad White- I know it's only been 2 games, but why not just set a pile of money on fire? This guy should be centering the third line.
#13. Slobber Kozlov- He sounds like Borat when he talks. I like!!!
#16. Bobby Holik- He talks a good game, if you understand Czech. Went 130 consecutive games as a Thrasher putting out a half-assed effort. Could be a decent third line center.
#17. Ilya Kovalchuk- Enjoy him while he's here.
#18. Marian Hossa- Smart move not signing him to a contract extension, the Thrashers can't afford to keep him when they enter their rebuilding year of 2008-09.
#20. Steve Rucchin- Yes, he is still collecting a paycheck. They need to put him out on the ice and put the Thrashers out of their misery.
#21. Brent Sterling- He has not played much yet. Don't get me wrong, he'd skated for 13+ minutes in game one and 14+ minutes in game two. He just hasn't PLAYED much.
#23. Jim Slater- I thought they got rid of Derrick McKenzie??
#27. Chris Thornburn- Had 5 points for the Penguins last season. Added depth at our third line center position.
#29. Brad Larsen- As long as Bob Hartley has a job, so will this jug headed 4th liner.
#36. Eric Boulton- The team enforcer would probably be a better fighter if he kept his left up and didn't lead with his face.

#2. Granite Exelby- The Fred Flintstone of the NHL.
#5. Steve McCarthy- Reminds me of Charlie McCarthy on the blueline.
#7. Mark Popovic- Never heard of him.
#22. Ken Klee's nuthin' but a mother flippin' pylon.
#28. Niclas Havelid- Did you know he won a gold medal? The Thrashers' only decent defenseman averages 48 minutes a game.
#39. Tobais Enstrom- Nothing says FEARSOME like a 5'7" defenseman. The website has him listed at 5'10", but they must use the same measuring tape that Harry Pohl uses on his dong.
#77. Alexei Zhitnik- His name sounds like something you'd yell if you were on fire. He makes me miss Braylon Colburn.

#1. Johan Hedberg- Moose has done well backing up Kari Lehtonen, but there are hockey fans in Atlanta who believe the fans are booing him.
#32. Karl Lehtonen- He is a friend of the blog. Reads it often, and is even letting Turner Brown design and paint his new goalie helmet. They have decided on a Transformers motif. I suggested Hello Kitty, but rumor has it that Karl doesn't like pussy.

Sockey On Hockey Episode 8

2007-07-21T23:11:00.000-04:00

Hello again faithful Sockey On Hockey followers, I’ve uploaded an off season podcast before leaving for lovely Nashville, TN where a few loyal Predophile fans are trying to rescue their failing franchise. There was a small gathering of fans at their arena this weekend and I was lucky enough to get a phone call from their leader. He’s a nutwad.

There is a bit of other news in this update as well. First of all both Harry Pohl AND Turner Brown are working the boards this episode in an effort to make the Sockey On Hockey team at the start of the season. We will see if they are able to work together with out killing each other or ruining my show. Do they give Marconi’s for podcasts?

The first of two big announcements in this podcast is the addition of a new sponsor. The Ice House has signed a 3 podcast deal and will provide commercial advertising starting with podcast number eight today. The owner seems to be a bit high strung, but like the Heatley for Hossa trade I think this will be a deal that pays dividends to all parties involved. The management of The Ice House has assured me that the commercials will be seamlessly integrated into the podcast, and it is very likely that today’s will hardly be noticed.

The second big announcement is specifically for you! With all of the changes that are being made to the Thrasher line-up for the new season, Sockey On Hockey is making a few changes as well. It’s the JK Sockey Theme Song Contest! For the past year, we have been using the Selmanaires as the opening theme song for all of our podcasts, and they have finally been discovered! As you can see on their official website, they will be starting the U.S. leg of their world tour later in the summer. Since they will be unable to come in and play the theme song for the podcasts, they will need to be replaced. So JK Sockey is ready to make you famous! We are asking any and every listener to write, record, and give us a theme song! All we ask is that you make it hockey related, mention JK Sockey or Sockey On Hockey, and keep it at about sixty to ninety seconds. Play your own music, or try some karaoke. It can’t be any worse than the Hockey Shuffle that Turner played last year...

Enjoy!

or...

Right Click Here and choose 'SAVE AS' to download the Sockey On Hockey Podcast

Breaking News On Granite Exelby

2007-07-14T21:30:00.000-04:00

My sources are reporting that Granite Exelby has signed a contract with the Thrashers that will overpay him until the 2010-11 season. The offensively challenged Exelby will earn a total of $4 million (US) over the next three years to periodically get lost in the defensive zone trying to make a big hit on a 3rd line left wing. The GM was quoted as saying, “It’s like having Mandy Sutton at 2/3 the cost.”

Decoding GM Speak

2007-06-20T13:49:00.001-04:00

Thrasher General Manager Don Waddle recently took park in the AJC's "GIMME 5" segment. It's a short blurb across page two of the sports section where some lackie asks a sports personality, or in this case a legend, some questions. Nothing more than entertainment value, but Thrasher fans should take a keen interest in Dan Waddell's answers. As always, I thought it necessary to put GM speak into something that even a suck-diver like you could understand, and one of our better investigative sources completed the following translation:

The Question: What are the Thrashers' 5 biggest off-season priorities?

What you read:
1. Sign prospects from previous drafts. All teams have to come to terms with certain unsigned draft picks from previous years and have them under contract by June 1 (which we did), or those players would go back into this year's draft.

What he means:
I put this one up top since we're not doing anything the rest of the summer. Besides, always lead with a positive.

What you read:
2. Free agency. We have until July 1 to sign our own key free agents, and after that point teams are free to negotiate with all unrestricted free agents from around the league.

What he means:
We hope Andy Sutton is off the pipe by then and that Kozlov remembers how fucking cold Detroit is in January (and what a shit hole it is pretty much year round). Those of you who think we're going to even make an offer to Tkachuk should join Sutton in rehab. BTW, did you notice I didn't say what we plan to do in free agency? Good, cause we aren't doing dick.

What you read:
3. NHL entry draft. We have year-round preparations for the draft, and on June 22-23 in Columbus, Ohio, we apply what we have scouted to select promising young players and continue building our assets for the future.

What he means:
If I can find a bar in Cowtown U.S.A., I should be loaded by noon Friday. I'll try to sober up by the third round on Saturday afternoon for our first pick. Do you think they have strippers or is that where the term Cowtown comes from?

What you read:
4. Grow the game. We continue to grow our fan base as we look ahead to raising the Southeast Division championship banner on opening night and showcasing the upcoming 2008 NHL All-Star Game being held in Atlanta. We will also continue to be active in the community, involved with our grassroots programs and connected with our fans.

What he means:
Until the ownership situation works itself out, we're not going to be spending a ton of money. We're hoping to distract you with a banner and the All-Star game. Did you see the logo? That's a huge swoosh!

What you read:
5. Prepare for player camps. We have a prospect camp held at our practice facility in Duluth in July (6-16) and a rookie tournament we participate in September in Traverse City, Mich., which leads directly into the opening of training camp.

What he means:
My preparation involves getting a restraining order taken out on a certain 'fan' of Chad Denny's. That is second only to figuring out if there are any new additions to the menu at Headlines grill. I'm really hoping for cheese fries.

Hockey In Atlanta

2007-06-19T17:55:00.001-04:00

JK Sockey has the cure for your hockey DT's. Rowdy Thrasher hockey fans AND hockey players the Nasty Nest will be playing Thursday (vs. Mighty Lemmings) and Sunday (vs. Thrashers) at the Marietta Ice Center.

THE THRASHERS?!?!?!!? They are going to get killed! I am not sure that should even be allowed, but I AM going to get to see J.P. Vigier so I will be there right after the late Mass at Holy Family Catholic Church just down the road.

Until I see you Sunday, stuff a sock in it!

Take The Blue Out Of Blueland??

2007-06-16T01:28:00.000-04:00

The millions of you that read my blog and listen to my pod casts know that I call them as I see them. If you have seen my entry into the Thrasher’s Unleash The Fury Contest you know that I am straight shooter. Show up, play hard, execute; and they’ll get all of the praise in the world from me. Do something stupid, like when Granite Exlby chases somebody out to the neutral zone or when Ilya passes the puck to Shane Hnidy, I will call them out for it. I am not afraid to name names, as long as I can pronounce them. Off ice is not necessarily a safe haven either. Just ask the pumpkin headed guy that sits in front of me at home games or the owner that ran the Capitals into the ground.

Every now and then I will rant about Derwin Elliot’s behavior on the post-game show. He has seen as many games as any of us fans, but to go up to the Bank Of America Club and listen to him, you’d never know a Thrasher has ever played a poor game. Hearing him defend a player’s God-awful performance you would think he knows nothing about the sport. He has sold his credibility to become a shill for his employer. I realize he has to sit on a plane with the team every now and then, but I also realize that if he were working for any other team, he’d have no problem pointing out that Andy Sutton is a human Yield sign and NOT an NHL caliber defenseman. When you are afraid to give your honest opinion or change it because of who is handing you cash, you become an acquiescent twit, a whore of sorts, and the Atlanta Spirit is the pimp who’s backhand you recoil from. Is that what the Spirit wants? Pusillanimous pantywaists to kiss daddy’s rings and tell him how wonderful he is? If so, get out of Elliot’s path; he is going to push and shove his way to the front of that line!

What’s really unbelievable is that he will HAVE to push and shove to get past other sellouts. Which brings me to the Blueland Bogger. This web guy does not appear to have been much of a fan prior to landing a job as the team blogger, and it's obvious that the Atlanta Spirit do not do background checks on prospective hires. While researching my most recent post I hunted the web for opinions on the Thrashers’ Blueland jersey, and stumbled upon a real gem.

Obviously this was written BEFORE they hired him to to give their opinions.
Seems the author of the Atlanta Thrashers OFFICIAL web blog isn't even a fan of the team!! He doesn’t like the logo, doesn’t like the color, doesn’t like the asymmetrical sleeves. He describes the Thrasher jersey as “an ugly sweater” and “a first class stinker”, then shows his Canadian bias (and lack of style) by contrasting it with the “good work” of the Calgary Flaming Donkeys, Edmonton Spaceships, and every Toronto professional team.

I bet if this jersey belonged to a Canadian team, he would consider it a masterpiece as well.

This site also lends insight into his Ottawa leanings and his queer Mik-maq-man crush on Chad Denny. As good as my sources are they have not been able to verify that this is not his bedroom:

The 100 Days Of No Hockey

2007-06-13T23:47:00.000-04:00

Hello hockey fans! It is I, JK! Just like Marial Hossa and Slaba Kozlov I was pretty quiet during the playoffs. I hope you all missed me as much as I have missed you! Just like that nerd in elementary school, I cannot wait for summer to end! I have spent the off season working on my tan here in Kanye West, FL, but I am already looking forward to getting back to Atlanta for hockey season and for PodCast season!

While I am away, there are plenty of things going on to help you fight off hockey withdrawal. Posters over at the Nasty Nest have formed a their own hockey team and are playing in the Atlanta Amateur Hockey League. Many of the regulars over at the Smirkin Chicken also play in several of the AAHL's leagues. Why aren't YOU playing? There are several opportunities from advanced to recreational leagues to learn to skate classes and skills classes, including one bearing the name of my uni-browed puppet master:

For the decidedly bored, the draft is only a week away! Are you going to make the trek to the thriving metropolis of Columbus, OH to see it live and in person? If not, you will be delighted to know that the Thrashers are having a ostentatious party on Friday June 22nd to celebrate the fact that they do not have a first round pick! The shindig will be conveniently held at Jillians in Lawrenceville at the intersection of Lame & Contrived.

Speaking of lame, since the Thrasher third jersey was introduced, there have been a lot of comments both positive and negative. Hockey Rants takes a couple of shots at the True Blue threads. Well, you know that if there is an expert on laundry in this city, it is me. I am not being paid to say this; I simply love them! When it was announced that the team would be getting a third jersey, I feared it would be something hideous like the BlueJacket's bug, or the Calgary's flaming donkey (sounds like a great name for a bar). Everything from the Atlanta down the sleeve to the webbing under the arms screams FABULOUS! You know you are on to something when your ideas are stolen by others (kinda like my PodCasts).

Even though I have been resting quite a bit, I have also been coming up with all kinds of new ideas for the Blueland Bogger to steal (if he still has a job come October). If you have checked the official website and check out the staff listings, you will notice some names missing this summer. There have been shake-ups galore at Atlanta Spirit, LLC that may explain why I have not been able to get in touch with my source in the Thrashers Media Relations Department but I do have some bad news for Atlanta's favorite midget at the Smirkin Chicken. When little Thrasherville is not busy posing for trophy's he spends his time daydreaming about Mary Moran… Not HER!!

I mean, according to "D. Camel" a JK Sockey Thrasher Insider, the recently unemployed Mary Moran:

Sorry Thrasherville, the whole pouty, sultry, mysterious look does nothing for me.

If you ask me they seem to have missed somebody. As I have suspected all along, there is a turncoat in Blueland! Stay tuned for my investigative report…

Until then, stuff a sock in it!

What's that smell?

2007-04-18T21:35:00.000-04:00

Check the time of this post, there are 5min left, and I smell a GOAL! Wait for it!

Jump! Jump! Jump!

2007-04-18T21:23:00.001-04:00

Booger Blogger is about to strangle himself. Get over to the site to see him before he is gone. I’ll have his job by the middle of the summer. This is great! Enjoy this last period of the year Thrasher fans. Look forward to hanging the banner next fall and to seeing a revamped team on the ice. With Hartley gone, I assume we will see a few more youngsters getting looks in camp and having legitimate shots to make the team. Should be an exciting year.

Falling apart.

2007-04-18T21:03:00.001-04:00

I have not seen these Thrashers in several weeks. Blowing leads, playing to the other team’s strengths, defensive meltdowns, followed by the other team getting an easy goal and stealing momentum going into the final period. I assume they’ll be a step slower these last 20minutes and hopfully the misery will end within the first hal f the period so I can get out of this crappy building and back to the hotel.

Goal!!!

2007-04-18T20:29:00.001-04:00

One minute into the PP before we get a shot through to the goalie. Then the Rangers get all out of wack and the T-birds are able to score. I think you have to credit Hossa for that one, he really fought the puck up the ice. They are going to get it back, Sutton is out there. Wait, he doesn’t do anything wrong, it must be a bad call?

POTVIN SUCKS!

2007-04-18T20:21:00.000-04:00

Back on the ice after the break, and things have started off a bit more evenly for the mess from Atlanta. I take that back, Andy Sutton is leaving Nylander all alone.. OWW Headburg stops it and holds on. I am counting down the minutes until he is no longer a Thrasher. When he isn’t screening the goalie or giving opposing forwards room to move, he’s skating to the bench.

The energy line gets a few more chances with Dupis and Holik, but cannot get one past Lundquist. The bounces are still not going their way and at some point, every team needs a lucky bounce.

While he 3rd line impresses, the Hossa, Kozlov, Bandage line continues to underwhelm everyone. I am most shocked by Kozlov who could have solidified a great contract with even a decent showing in the playoffs. Instead he is handing money back to GM Don Waddle with every passing period. Lets see what happens on this power play!!

I think the Booger Blogger is sleeping over there. He and Kinkade were out late last night. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Intermissionary

2007-04-18T19:42:00.000-04:00

Thrashers falling down all over the place. Sim goes down and almost gives up a chance; Mel goes down, defensemen falling. The Booger Blogger is going to talk about the Thrashers’ never give up attitude, and blame the ice, but why aren’t the Rangers falling down? Want a bit of fun, as this game gets out of hand, go visit the official website and watch his optimism disappear as the night goes on.

So, we go into the first intermission tied at one. Lundquist settled down late in the period and our defense picked up their shakiness and I am seeing visions of their pathetic game three effort rearing it’s ugly head. Speaking of rearing and head, how about that pompous ass Derick Eliot? I have listened to his TV commentary and his insight on the post game show -- following Thrasher home games on AM680 The Fan—all season long. Does he know that he has absolutely no credibility? Losing 7-0 and he can find a way to phallate even the worst Thrasher. I realize he has to get on a plane with these guys, but to rip fans for giving their opinion instead of ever assigning any type of blame to any Thrasher for anything has gotten old. While others are calling for the ouster of coach Hartley, I’d like to see Eliot removed from the post game call in show.

We're winning! Wait no.

2007-04-18T19:19:00.000-04:00

HAHAHA!! That was short lived!

Thrasher special teams continue to depress! The Rangers have been doing that same set u this entire series and now the fans here are back into the game. Don’t let the official Blueball Blogger fool you, he did not see the Thrasher goal until they showed the replay. He’s had a finger up his nose all night, and was playing with a booger when the Thrashers scored. As soon as Slater took what was a weak penalty (even during the regular season) I said, it’ll be tied within a minute. As usual I was right.

The Rangers have their jump back and these fans are going bonkers. I can’t imagine how loud it will be in here during the Conference Finals. Meanwhile the Thrashers have their best penalty killing unit on the ice, unfortunately, it’s their #1 PP unit! The Rags are back at full strength and setting the pace. The TV timeout can’t come fast enough for this team. Lundquist looks shaky tonight, but can the T-birds take advantage of it? They need to put as many shots on goal as possible, but they can’t even control the puck in their end long enough to et up the offense.

Speaking of controlling the puck in somebody’s end, John Kincade is wearing that _______ blue jacket again tonight. I want to fill that blank with something referencing his sexuality, but no sensible nelly queen would be caught dead in that thing. Interesting stat of the night: He seems to be without his beard tonight.

LIVE FROM NY… IT’S SOCKEY TONIGHT (again)!

2007-04-18T19:03:00.000-04:00

Let’s get this party started! Four in a row begins tonight here in MSG. While we wait for the game to start--and hopefully they won’t score 30 seconds in--I wanted to break a bit of news regarding the Thrashers goaltending issues that have arisen recently. As all of the Thrasher fans know, coach pulled Kari Letsomein after giving up a soft goal in game one. Mitch Hedburg was in net for game two and did a decent job of keeping the Thrashers in the game. Some not as reliable sources were saying that Mooch was pegged to start last KNIGHTS game as well, but Tuesday morning it was announced that the Finnish Sieve would be back in net. My sources tell me that Hartley had decided on Hedburg, but following comments from Thrasher GM Don Waddle in Tuesday’s AJC that Kari was “the future”, Don Waddle himself made the decision on Kari playing game 3. Seeing his career in Atlanta in a death spiral, Bob Hartley begrudgingly went with Letsomein and then, as an obvious f.u. to the GM, left Kari in to get hammered 7-0. I feel confident reporting that this has sealed Hartley’s fate in Atlanta, and as soon as this series is over, the Atlanta Thrashers will be looking for a new bench boss.

GAME ON!

Thrasher Luck

2007-04-17T20:26:00.000-04:00

Second intermission and I just saw John Kincade slap Marcel Hossa on the ass. Just when I thought the night could not get any worse. He was basically making out with Colton Orr last intermission.

I am not surprised the Thrashers are losing, but I did not expect them to smell it up this bad. It’s awful quite in that dressing room right now. This is the time when a veteran would usually step up and call players out, but who’s going to do that? Kozlov? Hossa? Smellenby? This team has disappeared.

Hopefully, there will at least be some fighting this period. It’d be nice to see Andy Sutton get one last ass whipping before the season comes to a crashing halt.

LIVE BLOGGINGS FROM MSG!

2007-04-17T19:19:00.000-04:00

Live from New York…
It’s Sockey Tonight Live!

I’m back on the bandwagon with all the faith in the world in this team. They are going to…
SHIT! Rangers score!

Wow, this is going to be a fun night! Giving up a goal early should have lead to a fight. Now the Thrashers are making Michael Niedermayer look like a superstar! Seems to me that the Hossa line is still sleep walking through this series as they have been on the ice or both goals so far.

Giving up this third one should get Kari pulled. Where are the forwards???? Kozlov on the second goal and I am not sure if I should blame Ilya for that one or Sutton for taking a shit in the crease!

Hey look, Walt is on the ice. That is the first time I noticed him since I saw him changing in the dressing room.

3-0 and I have to take a crap. Hope I don't miss anything...

Season Wrap Up

2007-04-15T12:01:00.000-04:00

With most of my audio equipmenat having been destroyed in the recent fire at my office, I have not been able to update you with any wonderful podcasts. For some of my insight into the Thrasher playoff debacle you can check out SOUTHEAST SHOOTOUT. I have made (and uploaded) several videos to both this site and YouTube (search jksockey) that I think you will enjoy.

I am not sure if these are fans or not. They smelled like homeless people...

Here is my view from press row. I sat on Jeff Schultz's lap!

Look, another flamer! This fire scares the toe-jam out of me...

The Blueball Bloggers trying to come up with a positive way to spin the outcome of Game 1.

Game one player introductions.

I Tube, You Tube!

2007-04-07T08:08:00.000-04:00

Please check out my entry into the Thrashers' "Unleash The Fury" YouTube contest!

2007-04-02T23:54:00.000-04:00

Alanis Morissette

She's Canadian...

Sockey On Hockey Episode 7

2007-03-02T13:56:00.000-05:00

Brand new for March! It’s the post-trade-deadline episode of Sockey On Hockey. Does Turner Brown still have a job? Maybe not for long after the phone call he lets onto the show...

or...

Right Click Here and choose 'SAVE AS' to download the Sockey On Hockey Podcast

Sockey On Hockey Episode 6

2007-02-01T10:07:00.000-05:00

Harry Pohl has been replaced, I fully expect the show to go much smoother now.

No emails this week, but I touch on the All-Star Game, the new Reebok jersey, and FINALLY good ol’ #4 Branlon Coburn will be reviewing a movie.

or...

Right Click Here and choose 'SAVE AS' to download the Sockey On Hockey Podcast

Smolinski To Atlanta

2007-01-28T19:40:00.000-05:00

The Atlanta Thrashers are in need of a center, and it looks like Brian Smolinski may be on his way to Atlanta. This afternoon, during the Flyers game, I saw Blackhawks GM Dale Tallon at Philips Arena. When asked, he declined to comment on a possible trade with Atlanta.

Tell that criminal, Drecklund to bite me!

LIVE AUDIO STARTS AT 7:30

2007-01-26T17:35:00.000-05:00

Oh boy this is exciting! I am coming to you live from the arena, Harry Pohl is back at JK Sockey Headquarters and we are ready to provide you with our LIVE Audio Blog! I could be up in the rafters with the super nerds of hockey, dazzling you with a bunch of stupid graphs or sitting with the girls and critiquing player‘s looks, but instead I am WITH the people, and behind the scenes! Besides, if you‘ve been reading my blogs for any length of time you know that I have already covered the other two areas. I had a pie chart up here last season, and chose my All Sockey team back in September.

As usual, I am ahead of the pack, and to further prove that, listen here...

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Sockey On Hockey Podcast 4

2007-01-14T19:05:00.000-05:00

We’re up and ready to go. Today’s pod cast includes info on the losing streak, the Carolina game and the All-Star selections. Interviews with Kozzy and Coby (sorta). Send your email your questions now!
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My Blogger Night Request

2007-01-12T20:24:00.000-05:00

Dear Web Guy,

This sounds like a wonderful opportunity to hang outwith some really cool people and also Thrasher Bloggers. I just have a few reservations. I do not have a laptop, can I bring my desktop? Will there be somebody there to help carry it up to the press box? Actually, if not, that would be fine as well. I am afraid of heights anyway and thought maybe I could sit in section 103. There is a guy that sits on the glassat the blue line… he’s got the moon for a head. I’d like to see if it has it’s own gravitational field.

Also, I was hoping to have an opportunity to maybe spend an hour or two in the Thrashers dressing room conducting a séance. After recently meeting with his parents in Dallas, I am quite confident that my associate Harry Pohl and myself will be able to contact Dan Snider. Being an epic event, we would like to record it for posterity and possibly use the audio in a future pod cast, so I'd need to bring some audio equipment as well. We should be done in time to see the end of the game and update my blog… again, if somebody will hook up my computer for me. I do not have arms.

I was also hoping to have access to the Islanders locker room, for no other reason than to have the opportunity to see Al Yashin shower following the game. If John Kincade already has dibs on this, I understand.

Blogging From Blueland

2007-01-06T19:51:00.000-05:00

The dork that runs the Blueballs Blog at the official site has deemed January 26th ‘Blogger Night’ at Philips Arena, and he’s put out an APB for “anyone with an Atlanta-area blog to join us at the arena, bring your laptop, and live blog your experience! This is an open invitation to anyone who enjoys writing about their lives, their favorite teams (hopefully us!), or their areas of expertise to come down and give your thoughts on a night at the rink, completely uncensored!” Surprisingly, he tacked on “completely uncensored” to the end of his run on sentence. That from the only blog on earth that does not allow readers to post comments! Poor punctuation and sentence structure aside, prior to heading to the Thrasher game last night I went ahead and fired off an email! Though watching the scribes from the NY Post & NY Times fighting over the last free finger sandwich, then sitting up in the rafters between a bunch of online nerds sounds about as exciting as a Trekkie Convention, my pod cast partner Harry Pohl and I can’t wait! The game against the Isles will be secondary, as this intimate access to the bowels of Philips Arena will allow Harry and I to attempt to contact Dan Snider from the Thrasher dressing room. Following my email to Webguy, Harry went online to purchase scented candles and this specially constructed phone that will allow us to contact the dead.

Speaking of the dead, how about that Thrasher defense last night?? Up 4-1 the team went in to their famous prevent mode, that’s the mode that prevents them from winning the game. I did not take long before Phoenix was skating away with two points. The Thrashers crapped out so badly in the third period that it was hard to tell that the Coyotes had played the night before. I am not so sure this isn’t Brad McCrimmon’s fault…

Midnight Ramblings

2007-01-05T01:12:00.000-05:00

Lookie who's been slacking in their updates: Me!

I HAVE been a busy little bee though. Hitting the road again, I started in Boston where I tried unsuccessfully to organize a black tie charity event for NHL players facing cancer. I had hoped to pitch it as a spin off of the Jimmy V Classic in college basketball, but could hardly drum up any interest in the 1st Annual Phil Kessel Memorial Ball. I have to do something to keep busy while the Thrashers are out an about. While Harry and I are working on our post holiday pod cast, and I am still trying to get things ironed out with the media relations department so that Brandon Colburn can appear on my next pod cast, until then I thought I would just touch on a few things. OK, now that I have done that, let me mention some stuff too.

The AJC replaced their Thrasher beat writer, and once again J.K. was passed over for a chance to really bring some professionalism to that rag. Ah well, there is way too much fluff in their stuff anyway. It's no secret (is it?) that the paper and the team do not get along, but I don't think the team will be happy until somebody on their payroll is writing the stories for the AJC. I hopes the new guy, Craig something, pays attention (or at least shows up) at games and practices. This sock just wishes there could be some balance between the lazy AJC articles and the online hand jobs given by the teams' Blog Guy and fan correspondent. Since they don't allow fans to post comments on their blither, I have to do it here. I hate to break it to you guys (I assume), but this team is still defensively weak and in need of a legit center. The current roster will not make any type of serious contention for the Cup. Go on with your fluffy reads about why you should come out to the games, or how much you missed Rabid Fan and his 2 minute beer chug over the holiday, all the while whistling through the graveyard that is a first round exit from the playoffs.

As I mentioned, I was on the road again making lint with one of my favorite players Mikey Modano. We were out partying in Dallas and let me tell you, things ARE bigger in Texas! After downing a few with Mikey at The Roundup Saloon, I got the lowdown on his impending 'marriage' to Willa Ford. Mikey, you're trying too hard, but she'll make a wonderful beard… er, BRIDE. As we wander back to our hotel for the night, who should we run into but The Sniders. I verified that the family is still short a member, and we chatted before they headed out to Houston. They are wonderful, and they both have the same haircut! It's cute in a Hostess Twinkie kind of way.

Speaking of pictures, can somebody PLEASE get me a picture of the man with the GIANT head that sits in front of me at the games? Mr. Basketball head sits on the glass, right at the blueline in section 103 with about ten germ-toting, booger-eating brats. His wife(?) has more plastic and paint on her face than Kari and while it is cute to watch him pretend that he understands what is going on, he needs to be in the back row, he blocks the view of the entire end of the ice with that Volkswagen parked on his neck.

As soon as we get confirmation that defenseman Braylon Cobarn is in, the next pod cast will be in the can and posted, so stay tuned!

Mock A Slumping Thrasher & Wake A Sleeping Giant

2006-12-24T18:38:00.000-05:00

Happy Boxing Day Eve everybody, I have stopped playing with the Army men I got for Christmas just long enough to issue an official apology to Shane “Silent” Hnidy. Since mocking him in November for going 4 ½ years without netting a goal, Hnidy has broken out of his slump with 3 goals in the last 15 these are Doug Harvey like numbers. In hopes of having a similar effect on others, it’s time to Mock A Slumping Thrasher!

Today’s target is #7 Greg DeVries. At $2 million a year he is the 5th highest paid Thrasher but has scored only one goal on 48 shots this year and has nearly as many defensive mistakes as penalty minutes. In 18 home games this year he has 2 assists and is -10. Devo has not had a point since the first week of December, and is even or minus in 8 of his last nine games. His play as of late has left me wishing Mandy Sutton a speedy recovery.

The Devils Went Down To Georgia

2006-12-23T13:40:00.000-05:00

Tonight is a perfect opportunity for the Thrashers to extend their winning streak to 3 games. The New Jersey Devils head to The Phil tonight, having played last night against the Washington Capitals. Future Hall Of Famer, Marty Brodeur had a 34 save night in the Devils 4-1 win, that saw Captain Patrick Elias leave late in the game after taking a slap shot off of his left ankle. JK Sockey has learned that Elias’ foot is broken and he will not play tonight.

Lets see, tired opponent, back up goalie, injured superstar. I would assume the building will be close to full tonight with it being a Saturday night game, friends and family in for the holidays, and all of the transplanted greasers from the northeast looking to show off their leather jackets, gold chains, and rat tails. All the cards are stacked in the Bird’s favor, and it is the typical scenario that leads to an embarrassing Thrasher loss. Seems that every chance this team gets to show off to the home crowd and grab the city’s attention they come up short. Will things change tonight, or will the Thrashers end up with coal in their stockings?

Hey Lou, what’s so bad about MSG2???

According to my insiders, Devils GM Lou Lamoriello hit the ceiling when tonight's game was changed from FSN New York to MSG 2. Lamoriello reportedly gave TV execs a piece of his mind over the late switch.

Sockey On Hockey: Episode 3!

2006-12-16T16:52:00.000-05:00

To quote old-school rapper Dave La Soul, "Three is the magic number!" Some may say mine is more of a mix of #1 and #2... Episode #3 previews "Grease Ball Week". Harry Pohl is back from his hunting trip, and I am back from my trip to Toronto. Losses recapped, emails answered, and Phil Kessel's nuts!

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Sockey On Hockey: Episode 2

2006-11-27T19:37:00.000-05:00

It's definitely number two!
The second Sockey On Hockey podcat recaps the Thrashers 5 point week and upcoming games. Also a special guest interview!

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Young Goon, Maybe?

2006-11-25T12:54:00.000-05:00

I pulled this classic "Young Guns" rookie card out of the spokes of my Segway Scooter this morning in celebration of the rarest of feats. Wednesday night at the Cap Centre (US Air Arena/MCI Centre/Verizon Center/Poulan Weedeater Bowl), Shane "Silent" Hnidy scored his first goal in over 4 ½ years. Rumor has it that Satan himself has ordered a winter coat.

This would have been front page news if he were still playing in the suburbs of Ottawa, but then again, he wouldn't be on a playoff contender now would he?

Washington Craps Out At Home

2006-11-24T19:05:00.000-05:00

Current mood: Disreputable

Current tunes: All Quiet On The Potomac - Jacqueline Schwab

It hasn’t rained in Washington, D.C. in over a week, but the banks of the Potomac River are nearing flood stage. Flooded with the tears of the 11,000 whining fans that watched their beloved Capitals turn a 2-0 lead into a 4-2 loss Wednesday night at whatever they are calling the MCI Arena these days. It’s not surprising that the Thrashers beat them, running their record to 4-0-0 against their SE Division rival this year, but how they beat them. Everyone in the league knows the names Kovalchuck, Kozlov, and Hossa; everyone in the Cap Centre on a historic Wednesday night learned the names of Shane Hnidy and former Portland Pirate (and sometimes Washington Capital) Glen Metropolit.

No, that’s not a typo. When I say it was a historic night in DC, I’m not referring to the 300th goal of Bobby Holik’s career. Capital fans were treated to a Halley’s Comet like occurrence when Thrasher defenseman Shane Hnidy, who can best be described as ‘number 34‘, got the Thrashers on the board by scoring the 5th goal of his career and his first since the 2001-02 season. Fans aren’t likely to catch a glimpse of Hnidy putting the puck in the net again until 2011. The goal has also caused online sales of Hnidy memorabilia to skyrocket in preparation for the holiday season.

Later in that same period, following Holik’s goal which tied the game at 2-2; Glen Metropolit ripped a slap shot that missed by a mile and went sailing over the head of Crap net minder Olie Kolzig. The puck bounced off of the glass behind the net and Metropolit was able to tap it out of the air and past the shell shocked Heinee. The highlight reel goal brought his goals-per-game average up to a mind-numbing 0.07. It was the 14th of Metro’s career and with that he joins the likes of Jamie Pushor on the NHL’s All-Time Goals list.

Things got a bit ugly in the 3rd period after Ilya Kovalchuck put the game away. Caps coach Glen Hanlon has done a great job maintaining the status quo in Washington since replacing Bruce Cassidy. Wednesday he turned the game into an on ice production of “Slap Shot” according to this Washington Capitals fan blog, by “sending a cheap-shot artist out there to run players in the dying minutes of a game that has been all but decided“. The fan was talking about Hartley, but if you watch the tape you see that’s exactly what Hanlon did--taking advantage of the home team having the last change, Coach Howdy Doody sent out Donald Brashear and John Erskine to face off against a Thrasher line that included Greg DeVries and Marian Hossa. Caps fans can cry all they want and accuse the Thrashsers of hooliganism, but save some of those tears for when you review the standings, mmmkay?

Sockey On Hockey Podcast!

2006-11-21T22:05:00.000-05:00

It's the first of many more! Get a preview of the Thrashers/Caps game taking place 22 November 06...

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Patty Cake, Patty Cake, you're the man!

2006-11-18T12:14:00.000-05:00

Current mood: numb
Current tunes: Patty Cake Man - B12 (Like the vitamin!)

Dallas - 5 Atlanta - 3 The losses come in bunches!

I was glad to see Stefan have a great game last night, no comment from coaches, fans, or players on the fact that it was Dallas' 4th line that got about 10 min of playing time and accounted for 4 of their goals? Too busy wondering what is wrong with Kari? I am more concerned with Bob Hartley and the "Mike Keenan School of Thought On Goaltenders".

Also, I found a worse radio personality than myself last night. He was hosting the 680 The ~~Fag~~ Fan post game show. When his trouble with pronouncing s's wasn't annoying me, I was able to notice him referring to the NHL as 'the big leagues'. He actually made me long for more Jeff Odgers.

Speaking of the post game show, for all of the whining about the officiating by "Stully" last night, what people fail to remember or admit to, is that Ilya Kovalchuk is one of the most prolific divers the league has ever seen. The NHL has supposedly put strict violations on diving. The first instance draws a warning, the second a fine, followed by a fine AND a suspension. The NHL is purportedly monitoring diving on a super-secret probation basis. Supposedly, the judgments are all made at their video command centers in Toronto and New York.

Everybody's got a big but and here is Count Bettman's, the league is does not announce these reprimands. So, we have no idea while we are watching a game whether a player has had a warning or a fine. A competitor who is whistled for diving in a game might not receive an official warning, but a player who is not called for a dive in a game might in fact be given a warning. Because not a soul has been suspended yet, I have to speculate how stringent this program is. We see diving and exaggeration every game, and it's rarely called. I think the NHL needs to address this dilemma if it wants to continue to reap the benefits of the crackdown on obstruction.

In the mean time, the fans at Philips Arena can hoot and holler each time a Thrasher takes a Louganus like dive, but even a pair of officials like McGeough and Auger, who don't have a good eye between them, aren't buying what Kovalchuck is selling.

Since when did hockey need a sideshow?

2006-10-13T11:55:00.000-04:00

Current mood: distressed

Guess who's back? Me silly, just like the NHL.

Once again, I have discarded my beard and climbed out of the closet because the Thrashers are back in action! After missing the first week of the season due to anal surgery, I am back to my old self. It was good to get in the back door of the arena again. While the on-ice product is off to an unusually hot start, it's the off ice game experience that's really taken a dump in it's pants. In the past, I begrudgingly accepted the balance between the hockey and the entertainment. This season, with the team playing well and drawing like the Hawks (the second worst crowds in the league barely ahead of Anaheim), the scales have tipped in favor of the sideshow.

First of all, lets start with the ice sluts known as the Spirit Squad, a bunch of skimpily dressed tarts with their asses hanging out, literally. Hey Thrashers, get the brunette with the tramp stamp tattoo on her butt a bigger pair of shorts. Every time she bends over, she's putting on a show that should get her some dollar bills stuffed in her garters. Wonderful message you are sending out to the families that bring their pre-teen girls to games, why not just invest in skating lessons for strippers? I know my rant isn't going to send them packing, but might I suggest putting them in spandex pants and those fashionable female cut hockey jerseys? Is it because that's a CCM product and not an RBK one, or maybe your target demographic is John Mark Karr. Might I suggest skating some cute little boys out there in tight shorts and tank tops and pull the Mark Foleys of the world?

What a perfect segue... I am not sure who that leather-skinned hack is that is trying out for the "Keys To The Game" segment during breaks, but apparently he is so busy fighting off his lisp that he manages to mangle the names of some pretty familiar NHL players over the Philips Arena PA system. He fancies himself a hockey guru while sitting next to a washed-up college football handoff machine, but when that mic is hot in Philips he sounds like a part-timer from WRAS. This guy is proof that you can't be a howling success by simply howling; he is slathered in cheese and makes people want to see more J. Bird. I know what you're thinking, and the reason I don't do it is because I am not a 'professional broadcaster', that pre-op tranny claims to be. Of course he claims to be straight as well…

It's this type of game day garbage that screams "KNIGHTS!" I mean, "BUSH LEAGUE!" I would normally take a shot and compare the Thrashers to the ECHL, because a person could expect to see this type of production in the suburbs, but the Gladiators do it better. Their ice crew is hotter, and their announcer… anyway, too much of this season may push me up to Gwinnett where I can go to a hockey game and see hockey.

Bite me.
JK

DOs & DON'Ts

2006-04-30T09:28:00.000-04:00

Current mood: sympathetic
Current tunes: Go Away - Gloria Estefan

They DO smile because they have to.

They DON'T want to autograph everything under the sun.

They DO sign because they are told they must.

They DON'T care that they are your favorite player.

They DO see your lips move when you talk.

They DON'T hear a word you say.

They DO think about slashing their wrists.

They DON'T want your t-shirt, CD, or good luck charm.

They DO find themselves amazed at how unsettling you are.

They DON'T want to give you a stick to take to your sick kid.

They DO get annoyed that you sell their things on Ebay.

They DON'T like your cheesecake.

They DO play a game where they evade you after practice.

They DON'T want to be bothered by you.

They DO laugh at you from the ice.

They DON'T think you are "funny ha-ha".

They DO tolerate you because they love their job.

They DON'T like you.

Ringy Dingy Dingy

2006-04-19T21:04:00.000-04:00

Current mood: Libidinous

Current tunes: Meet Me In St. Louis – Judy Garland

Isn't this picture just darling? What I wouldn't give to have this hairy little man hoisting ME up over his head!

My dear friend Marty St. Louis left a short message for moi before he and his team left for Ontario!

I don't know about you, but I am visibly excited! Suddenly I am over my depression about the hockey season ending, and I can't wait to hear what Little Marty has to say!

Et voilà! Bite me,
JK

Welcome to Booland!

2006-04-17T16:25:00.000-04:00

Current mood: Bona Fide

Current tunes: Washington Square – Chris Isaak

The UPS mans stopped by again today. When he asked me to sign for a package, I could not wait!! “Give it to me!” I squealed! Imagine my disappointment when he handed me an envelope from the Atlanta Spirit. I thought it was going to be a letter from team attorneys. Instead, I received a true collectors item: two full sheets of the soon to be useless Atlanta Thrashers Stanley Cup playoff tickets you see here. It got me thinking just what a travshamocracy it would be for the Thrashers to make the playoffs at the expense of two true hockey markets like Montreal and Tampa.

The first, and most obvious, reason would be that those two cities actually have people that realize hockey is being played at the moment. The Montreal Canadians, the most storied club in the history of the greatest sport since speed skating, has something in addition to all of their Stanley Cups: FANS! Passionate fans. They lead the entire NH of L in them. Averaging 20,555 per game. More than Hockeytown itself, more than center of the hockey universe in Lower Ontario, and even more than my beloved Philadelphia Flyers. Tampa is no slouch either. They're averaging 17,820 per contest.
You may recognize that number as being slightly higher than the true amount that attended the "sellout" at Philips Arena on Saturday for the most important home game in their history.

Then, there are Cups. The Thrashers fans use one to spit their 'baccy juice in to, meanwhile, the Habs and Lightning actually win the granddaddy of all spittoons. In the one hundred-fourteen years that the Stanley Cup has been awarded, these two storied hockey cities have won nearly twenty-five percent of the time.

There is no need to have another expansion team in the finals. Remember how boring the 1997 Finals were, with the two expansion teams of Florida and Colorado? What a snooze fest. That series was so boring, I almost fell asleep writing that last sentence. Do you even REMEMBER the 2003 Finals? New Jersey beat Anaheim that year, and we were forced to watch a boring team in ugly jerseys. Nobody wants that again, except for the two or three thousand fans wandering out to Philips Arena to cheer on the Thrashers. Wander on out tonight since most of your homes do not get PAX, and have your heart broken by Al Ovechkin and friends…

Bite Me!
JK

Will You Sign My Qweerbook?

2006-04-14T22:24:00.000-04:00

Current mood: Reproachful

Current tunes: The Yearbook Song - Spitalfield

Hey, hey, hey, Thrasher fan! JK had the UPS man drop off the copy of the 2005-2006 Atlanta Thrashers Yearbook at his drawer this morning. Now that I have had a moment to flip thought it a few times, I thought I would graciously give you my review.

The cover is as boring as a Tuesday night game against the Mighty Ducks.
It features the same two pictures of “Marvelous” Marian Hossa and Ilya that we have seen on eight or ten covers of the Winger game night program this year. Opening it up, I noticed the newest feature of the yearbook, thirty pages of ads! Dazzling, I can never see that stupid, “Sony: You’ll never go back to regular TV”© commercial on Turner South enough. Also, stealing a page from Cosmopolitan, the idiotic editors are making me flip through half of the rag before I got to the meat of the program. Note to the editors: Bite Me!

As far as the pictures go, the fake snow deal is as foolhardy as the Blueland slogan. I realize that most Thrasher fans are not actually hockey fans, but even if you accidentally saw a NY Ranger game 2 years ago, you know their slogan was Blueland. Is this just another example of the South being a few years behind the North? I’ll let you decide. I thought they should go with the whole “Thrasherville” thing, but I believe the powers that be are nervous about the fact that “Thrasherville” was stolen from a certain loudmouthed midget who had established a webpage by that name and also uses that moniker on several online hockey forums. Maybe they should have stuck with “Hockey Love” as the fans seemed to identify with the mental retarded radio ads featuring former dead end, drugged out comic Mitch Hedberg. Hedberg gave up comedy AND breathing October 12th 2004. Seems he could not live without hockey. Note to the Marketing Department: It’s called creativity, find some... then Bite Me!

The first picture that caught my eye is on page six. It answers the question everyone who’s listened to the Thrasher post-game show this year has been wondering.
“Are they in love?” The look in the NHL’s softest six foot six inch defensemen’s eyes screams; “I love having your mic so close to my mouth!!” Page eight includes a picture of Kari Lehtonen, but the thought bubble “How do I get this smelly freak away from me?” is missing. There is also a nice picture of Kovalchuk doing his best Dany Heatley imitation. I think that is what the captions say, it’s soooo damn easy to read white type on a silver background. Note to the editors: What were you thinking?

Sure you have some interesting write-ups on the players, but where is all of the personal info that the stalkers are looking for? Who cares what their teammates think about them, I want to know important facts! What’s Nic Havelid’s favorite color? Does Bonzai like kittens? Who’s married? Who’s single? Did Savvy’s wife leave him because he plays for the pink team? Bunnies everywhere have to know! No home numbers or addresses? How is the “Million Year Old Mom” going to know who likes cheesecake? Also, why waste space on the owners? Not that we give two turds about them, but talk about creative writing, has anyone Googled “Ed Peskowitz journalist”? HA! The only thing that mentions those three words together are the UGC, Hawks & Thrasher websites. If that walrus look-a-like is a journalist, I’m the fucking Bill Shakespeare of bloggers! Why doesn’t it tell me what the J in J. Rutherford Seydel stand for? How HORRIBLY funny is his first name that he goes by Rutherford and what is his hat size? 12 ¾? 13? That thing effects the tides! You want me to re-write Beau Turner’s bio? “Beauregard Turner: Ted’s kid.” Also no mention of Levenson running the Caps and Bullets into the ground. Pages 88 & 89 would make Pravda proud. Note to Owners: Don’t let your ego’s get in the way of Thrasher success… oh, and eat me!

If this didn’t have such dreamy pictures of Petro & XLB in it, I’d send it back. Instead, I am going to go stick some pages together!

Bite me!
JK

It's Time To Pull The Plug!

2006-04-05T23:32:00.000-04:00

Current mood: querulous

Current tunes: Filipino Box Spring Hog- Tom Waits

Do not let this week’s win against the Panthers get your hopes up Thrasher fans. JK Sockey is here to assure you that you can spend that playoff ticket money on hotel and airfare to Vancouver for the NHL Draft. Do not count on your Thrashers to have a first round pick come draft day though…

Including the win in Miami, it seems fitting our beloved birds will spend three of their last eight games in Florida. After all, the Thrashers are the Terry Schiavo of the NHL. Technically they are alive, but in all reality they’ve been dead for quite awhile. This is the time of year when a true contender is not struggling to be competitive, playing inconsistant hockey, or facing must win games night in and night out. The playoffs started for the Thrashers following the Olympic break, they jumped out to a two games to none lead, but are now down three games to two and fighting for their lives. I say it's time to stop feeding your silly dreams and don't give any more sips of water to your delusions this year! Some of you nutters are clinging to the hope of making the playoffs. I personally don't want to spend a few hundred dollars to see this team embarrass themselves in the playoffs. A "four games and done" series against one of the top teams in the Eastern Conference would utterly deflate the city’s few fans.

Make any excuse you want about goaltending and losing streaks, but the fact of the matter is that Don Waddell is going to have one more off-season to get this team going in the right direction. I believe it was Mel (the cook on Alice) who once said, “The best defense is a good offense”. That may work on the way to your car after locking up the diner at 3am, but it is not the case in the NHL Playoffs. Come late spring a team needs a good defense and that’s something this team has not had in its short history. Although the team is handcuffed to Andy Sutton’s salary for another year, and have Braydon Coburn and Boris Valabik in the system, they must try to upgrade the blueline via trades or free agent signings this off-season. My sources are telling me that unless the Thrashers win big in the draft lottery and move up to a top 5 pick, you can expect “Dealer Don” to move the pick for a TRUE top 2 defenseman. Remember where you heard it!

Bite me,
JK

Lightning To Strike Atlanta

2006-04-05T21:52:00.000-04:00

Martin St. Louis

I am expecting a call from a Tampa Bay player sometime in the next week or so.

This diminutive forward was supposed to join me for a post game interview following Tampa's drubbing of the lowly Thrashers earlier in the season, but the Lightning were headed out of town quickly, and I was distracted by a half naked Vinny Prospal!

I was promised a phone call in early April.

Check back often as I will post it as soon as it arrives!

Bite me,
JK

JK's Male Bag!

2005-10-10T09:39:00.000-04:00

Current mood: Sprightly
Current tunes: Singin' In The Rain

It is time for the first ever installment of the JKSockey Male Bag. From time to time, especially on these rainy days, I will dig into my bag and answer a few questions from my readers. If you have a question you would like addressed or would like to know my opinion, drop me a line at jksockey@yahoo.com

Dear JK Sockey,
My older brother says you suck, but I think the insight and info you provide to the fans is wonderful. Keep up the great work!
-Clarice Gold, Roswell, GA

Quid pro quo Clarice, how old is your brother?
-JKS

Dear JK Sockey,
Do you think the Thrashers will make the playoffs?
-Michael Lee, Carrolton, GA

Only three games into the season, it is way too early to tell, but I am confident that by the end of the season, we will know if this is a playoff caliber team or not.
-JKS

Dear JK Sockey,
What are your thoughts on the Peter Bondra signing?
-Larry Shearer, Atlanta, GA

For as long as I can remember, I have always found Peter exciting. Especially one that brings added depth to the forward position. Being a respected member of the media affords me the unique opportunity of unlimited access to the team. If there is one thing I am looking forward to this season, it is going to the locker room and getting to see a lot of Peter.
-JKS

Breaking News: Kovalchuk to stay in Russia!

2005-10-05T11:09:00.000-04:00

JKSockey Hires European Correspondent

2005-10-05T07:15:00.000-04:00

JKSockey Hires Ygor Feofanov

In an effort to gather further information on the Ilya Kovalchuk contract situation as well as to increase coverage of international hockey for the upcoming Olympiad, JKSockey has secured the services of Ygor Feofanov.

Ygor Feofanov had covered Soviet bloc hockey on radio and in print for Pravda since the 1950’s. Feofanov wrote about Olympic hockey and specifically the powerful Red Army team that dominated international play from 1954 to the 1980’s. He was prasied by Leonid Brezhnev for his coverage of the Soviet victory at the 1980 Lake Placid Olympics.

After the fall of Communism in 1991, Feofanov was disgraced when it was discovered that some of his biggest stories, such as “NHL Stars Attempt Mass Defection To CCCP”, were complete fabrications. Russians from St. Petersburg to Siberia mocked his earlier works, so Feofanov focused on writing comedy. In 1993 he was allowed to publish and produce his one-man play, “Solidarność Night Live”; his comedic look at the rise of Polish polititian Lech Wałęsa.

The play bombed and Feofanov found solace in Vodka. He remained drunk and unemployed for the next 15 years and now JKSockey is working to help him revive his career.

Ygor is currently working as a freelance reporter and comedy writer. He will sober up and call in from time to time with news and comments from different locations in and around Eastern Europe. We at JKSockey.com home to hear from him soon…

Bite me,
JK

My Pre-season All-Star Sockey Team™

2005-09-28T22:15:00.000-04:00

Current mood: Tickled
Current tunes: The Star Song (Bowling For Soup)

With opening night in the new NHL only days away, I thought I would take this opportunity to put together the official Nancy Of The Net Pre-season All-Star Sockey Team™. I’ve put together a few different teams and before I introduce them in an absolutely faaaabulous ceremony, I will do my best to outline the criteria for making each team.

Daas iis guude, ya?

Back in the good ol’ days, when I was a still hanging in the menswear department, I used to dream of being a knight in King Arthur’s court. These days, I’d like to believe that if I was ever lucky enough to have a queen touch me on the shoulder with his scepter I would certainly, “Arise, Sergei!” With that in mind, here is my Pre-season All-Sergei Sockey Team™:

Forwards:

Sergei Samsonov – Sergei Fedorov - Sergei Brylin

Defensemens:

Sergei Gonchar & Sergei Zubov

Goaltender:

Ed Belfour

Get Out!

These players have been banned for life from any further discussion and will not be seen or heard from here at J.K. Sockey.com for obvious reasons.

Karl Dykhuis and Butch Goring

At Temple, the dykhuis was ΣΦØ and butch goring would get you a black eye from a lesbian and night in the pokey. Not much to say here other than good riddance.

Hall Of Flamers

These next gentlemen will forever be enshrined in the Nancy Of The Net Hall Of Fame™ for more than just their contributions to the sport.

Jim Cummins and Rob Ramage

One sported one of the hottest porn star mustaches ever while playing in my hometown of Philadelphia, the other hosted an out of this world Turner Cup party in my adopted hometown of Atlanta.

Sooo Close! The following players are on the cusp of superstardom, greatness, or have some other quality that I find irresistible in some form or fashion. While not yet considered the cream of the crop, the upcoming season may push them over the edge and on to great things. These men all receive a 2005 Nancy Of The Net™ Pre-season Honorable Mention.

Goalie:
Atlanta Thrashers' Kari Lehtonen

I say, “Kari, let ME in!”

Forwards:Montreal Canadiens' Radek Bonk

*titter* I just said 'BONK'!

Dallas Stars' Jason Arnott
ARE too!

Vancouver Canucks' Sylvain Blouin

If the game involves a Blouin, JK Sockey is a goin’!

Nashville Predators' Jordin Tootoo

Tootoo yummy!

Defensemens:Edmonton Oilers' Alexei Semenov

I prefer SemenON

Columbus Blue Jackets' Adam Foote

Every sockey needs a foote
-or-
That’s the worst beard ever!

St. Louis Blues' Barrett Jackman

What do I have in common with Jeff Gordon?
We both love our jackman.

Your Official Nancy Of The Net 2005 Pre-season All-Star Sockey Team™!!I've wasted enough time already, time to get right to it...

Starting In Goal
Jose Theodore - Montreal Canadiens

Does he think that because he has ties to the French-Canadian
Mafia (allegedly) that J.K. Sockey won’t make fun of him??
Well, he’s right!

Forwards:
Mike Modano – Dallas Stars

What do women say to Mike Modano at the beach?
“Get out of my son!”

Eric Lindros – Toronto Maple Leafs

Big E is an understatement!

Michael Peca - Edmonton Oilers

Nice playoff beard…

Defensemens:
Dick Tarnstrom - Pittsburgh Penguins

If Dick Tarnstrom’s a question, the answer is YES!

Brad Bombardir - Nashville Predators
“Pilot to Bombardir, drop your load!”

Bite me,
JK

J. K. Sockey Hires Audio Correspondent

2005-09-24T15:45:00.000-04:00

JKSockey.com correspondent Tommy Bossetti

As I sat in my front row seat at the blueline for the Thrashers first preseason game on Thursday, I noticed something strange across the ice. Popping up from behind the boards was a man with hair like Ric Flair and dressed like he had escaped from a mental hospital.

He would press his face against the glass for a few seconds before ducking back behind the dasher hoping he had not been noticed. This man, who I ran into in the bowels of Philips Arena following the game on Thursday night is Tommy Bossetti.

Known to Valley Forge Minutemen hockey fans in Oaks, PA as one-time Zamboni operator "Crazy Tommy," the flamboyant driver of the cumbersome ice-smoothing machine had for years created a fervor by high-fiving the crowd as he made his laps. Citing insurance concerns, rink management in 2004 ordered Bossetti to stop high-fiving and suspended him for three games. But upon his return, the crowd was expecting “Crazy Tommy’s” outstretched arm and thrust their hands in his path anyway, Bossetti said. He argued that the continued high-fiving which resulted in his suspension was purely self-defense. The ice rink did not sympathize and he was fired. While the dismissal order accused Bossetti of repeated safety violations, including driving the Zamboni while on medication, the order makes no mention of Bossetti's antagonistic history with management. In his 14 years there, Bossetti had initiated a bevy of complaints and lawsuits on behalf of himself and other employees.

Before this last dismissal, Bossetti had been fired seven times: once in 1995, five times in 1996, and once in 1999. Once a budding physicist, he has at times been homeless due to unemployment. Yet, repeatedly, he had fought his way back, ultimately working up to the position of ice specialist, which paid $8 an hour. Not only has he lost that income, but also the retirement benefits.

For the time being, he is working as an assistant with a local roller rink. The salary doesn't compare with his previous one, but "Daaii, it's enough to keep me going," he says. Bossetti seems happy in his new environment. But, he says, all he wants to do is get back on the ice.

"Daaaii, I know people will laugh, but I still maintain uuuh, I'm worth two goals a game," Bossetti said. "I consider myself an integral part of that work envi- daaaii... environ-daaaai… ice rink!"

Their loss is our gain, as Tommy will be making pre-game, post-game, and in-game call-ins from around the country.
Bite me,
JK

St. Louis GM, "Tkachuk's a fatty!"

2005-09-21T16:52:00.000-04:00

Everyone knows that Keith Tkachuk was suspended by the Blues last week, but J.K. Sockey has obtained strong evidence that the former All-Star did in fact report to camp a hair over his normal playing weight, listed as 231 pounds in the Blues' 2003-04 media guide.

Blues officials declined to say whether Tkachuk -- the highest-paid player on the Blues this season at $7.6 million (US) - would be paid during his suspension, but said Saturday that the 33 year-old winger will not rejoin the team until he passes his physical, which means until he drops an unspecified amount of weight (approximately 80lbs. based on the documents obtained exclusively by J.K. Sockey).

The NHLPA has filed a grievance on behalf Tkachuk, who was refused to comment saying only, “C’mon, stop calling. I’m trying to eat dinner.”

Keith Tkachuk (r) posed for this picture shortly after arriving at Blues training camp.

Check back for JK's MaleBag™ coming next week...
E-mail your questions, thoughts, and comments to jksockey@yahoo.com

Bite me,
JK

It's hard to type without hands.

2005-09-20T07:30:00.000-04:00

Current mood: roused

Current tunes: Moulin Rouge soundtrack

Hello person and welcome to my blog. I am the most informed gender-ambiguous/androgynous sock puppet covering the hockey world today! Though there are millions of Thrasher fans out there, and this blog will no doubt crash from time to time, I will do my best to keep this a free service!

This is the place to come for all of the latest information on the Atlanta Thrashers. I will update my site as breaking news warrants, and will also provide you with stories on my personal hockey experiences, written game recaps, audio clips from myself (as well as my many friends in the hockey community), and ANY opportunity to self-promote myself in any way!

With my knowledge and contacts in and around the hockey world, I am considered “The Source” for information about hockey. During the 2000-2001 season I was the first person to report that Thrasher defenseman Yannick Tremblay would be leaving the team. Tremblay averaged 19:27 minutes of ice time per game, registered 117 hits and 91 blocked shots in 1999-2000, and led all team defensemen with ten goals, 21 assists and 31 points. While posting on an online forum, I broke the news that it was just a matter of time and that Tremblay’s days as a Thrasher were numbered. Just over 1460 days later, training camp has opened in Atlanta and Yannick Tremblay is nowhere to be found!

Obviously with my inside contacts within the organization I continue to provide you with breaking news from behind the scenes and within the Thrasher organization. Feel free to email me at jksockey@yahoo.com with questions, comments, or ideas!

Bite me,
JK